When I was younger, gainfully employed and had the luxury of time, I’d start shopping for Christmas gifts for my parents, siblings, other relatives, friends, coworkers, business associates, and godchildren as early as July.  I kept a list of people I had to buy gifts, send cards, or treat out for Christmas lunch or  dinner.  And, for myself I’d spend a sizable sum to prepare for all the Christmas parties I’d have to attend by buying new clothes, shoes, bags, and accessories (as if I were the Celebrant).

• spending using credit cards and scout for the best price before buying a gift;
• gift shopping for only the most important people (my family) and most worthy recipients (the workers and helpers who have been my “angels” in school) — to reduce undue stress;
• clutter and piles of stuff for my gift recipient by giving a gift check or card, a magazine or online subscription, a concert ticket, a spa or facial coupon, a book or food certificate to a gift recipient’s favorite store or restaurant;
• unwanted pounds, fats and calories gained by my recipient by omitting sweets, cakes, and cookies and substituting them with fresh fruits, juices, and non-oily seasoning and homemade condiments.

Reuse

• old gift wrappers, cardboard, boxes, pieces of cloth, plastic, ribbons and other wrapping paraphernalia to wrap my gift creatively;
• Christmas cards as gift tags instead of buying a deck of new cards;
• sturdy paper bags from international brand shops to carry several  gifts for individual family members;
• idle materials and craft them into great personalized gifts to be kept for years as gifts of valuable time;
• and revive my talent for writing my own Christmas greeting for e-cards rather than buying others’ canned commercial greetings; making short poems or prayers using my gift recipients initials or letters of his/her name;

Recycle

• a friend’s photos from an old scrapbook and have it collaged for a photo mug, a shirt, a memorabilia frame, or mouse pad to rekindle friendship and remind a good friend of times past;
• an unwanted item from the closet, read-but-almost new books gathering dust in the bookshelves, a hastily bought clothing or houseware on sale which has never been used for years, an extra corporate gift — to give to someone who will find it useful or to sell on ebay or other auction sites for cash to use for other gifts;
• quotes which I have been collecting by compiling them into a stack of inspirationals grouped according to subject matter;
• my kids’ artwork by having it professionally framed, and given away for an aunt or uncle’s den;
• by patronizing eco-friendly groups selling items from recycled materials.

I am sure that my reduce, reuse, and recycle theme this Christmas would not only ease my stress but it would also refocus, reorient, and rechannel my gift giving to the true meaning, the real reason for  the Christmas season and Christ’s birth:  giving of one’s self, sharing from the heart, and loving beyond Christmas time — not just others but myself as well.

Any other gift ideas to match my gift theme this year?

I believe this busy-ness, reflective of our drive to attain our life goals, helps my family defuse qualms about the grim effects of the much publicized second Great Depression (which is said to be unfolding before us). It gives us the upbeat feeling of waking up to each new morning and seeing progress in our work. It allows us to shine brighter and be more creative amidst resource deficiencies and to help send out sparks of hope to others. Most of all, it leads us back to or keeps us hitched to a loving God of supreme possibilities in our life journey.

Manila F.A.M.E. International (16-19 October 2008)

http://www.manilafame.com/en/?idpg=ZmFpcmhpZ2hsaWdodA

My siblings Arlene and Arthur of Paper Capers International http://papercapers.net/?page_id=3

http://www.manilafame.com/en/?idpg=ZXhoaWJpdG9ybGlzdHNvZQ==&prodcat=&rid=NzAw&countnuma=5

have spent countless days sourcing eco-friendly and sustainable materials aside from paper and have barely slept these past weeks to produce novelty packaging boxes to exhibit at this show and capture new foreign buyers to weather the global slump.

I have never seen them as stressed as they were these past months since they started joining CITEM exhibits 22 years ago. As entrepreneurs, I feel proud that they have gone beyond just thinking about how much profits their factory would earn and what things they could buy for themselves; they have found joy in sharing their blessings with their lowly workers and needy family/friends (including me) and could only pray for more orders to be able to carry on their business and help maintain their manpower, most of whom have been with the factory since its birth.

Being a regular guest of the F.A.M.E. for the past two decades, I would strongly urge you to spend this Sunday with your family at the SMX Convention Center, Seashell Drive, Mall of Asia Complex from 11 am to 4pm (for only P200 entrance fee), to experience and be proud of the Filipino’s exceptional creativity and fine craftmanship in products for living and accessorizing, and better yet, realize that we have been blessed with unique talents to use and to survive.

7th Agora Conference 2008 (20 October 2008)

Like my siblings, my husband and his colleagues at the Philippine Marketing Association (PMA) see the global market as teeming with opportunities for Filipino entrepreneurs to tap. Sometime around midyear, my husband involved my daughter in preparing the advertisement and logo for PMA’s 7th Agora conference with the thrust: Marketing Possibilities, Global Opportunities. Since then, on top of his daily work stresses, my husband had to attend to this PMA assignment as coordinator for the affair. The onset of the global financial crisis made him overly anxious and worried as some sponsors backed out, companies went on belt tightening measure and declined to participate, and some past year attendees just kept mum as the conference date drew closer. Naturally, his worries spilt over at home and we just had to understand this extra load.

Challenges often open up paths which we seldom tread on. True enough, this week, PMA saw an influx of conference participants from the business academe as conference fees for this group were reduced from P 3000 to P 2000, in keeping with the times.

Walk-ins are welcome to the conference http://www.philmarketing.com.ph/index.php?hd=feat&sec=2
this Monday, 20 October 2008, from 8 a.m. to 5 pm at the Grand Ballroom of the Intercontinental Hotel Manila, where Filipino marketing mentors share their experience in embracing and growing from globalization and insights in meeting the impending economic crunch.

Lomographics (24 October 2008)

My son seems impervious to global going ons and works incessantly (with nonstop music and Gyunyo as his only intermission break) as Graphic Designer/Online Marketing Associate for the Lomographic Society International Vienna, Austria. I wish I could be as focused, rigid and determined as he is in meeting his financial goals (I have always been a generalist with too many soft spots). Even his extracurriculars revolve around graphic design and lomography.

http://images.kazarareta.multiply.com/image/2/photos/893/500×500/1/LOMOGRAPHIC-EXHIBIT.jpg?et=ExpUp0UOiVZ4kgaxXs56Lg&nmid=118874990

This Lomographics collabo-experiment exhibition of lomographers, artists and writers at the Team Manila Studio, 7 p.m. on 24 October 2008 – where he is listed as exhibitor – gives me confidence in the Filipino youth’s distinct artistry and bright future in a global niche of their own. As a mom, this gives me a sense of fulfillment and pride in seeing my son keep in step with pacesetters of his chosen career.

I have also taken my life in strides for the past years, even without the global financial crisis. This blog chronicled some hurdles satisfactory met with the Lord’s strength and guidance.

How do you and your family plan to surmount the global crisis and cope successfully with these times?

Ateneo Art Awards theme designed by my son, Aaron Roselo

Tears of happiness welled in my eyes when Aaron told me today that he won an Ateneo 2008 Awards for the Arts in the Graphic Arts category. I blushed with joy as I read the award announcement and the invitation to parents for the awarding ceremony and reception dinner 12 March 2008 at the Ateneo Escaler Hall. I wanted to photocopy the announcement letter and invitation but Aaron won let me; he quipped “magyayabang ka na naman” (you’d brag again). The most that I could do was to call my mom and then all of my siblings who were all as ecstatic as I was – Aaron being the first grandchild and first niece of all. By his looks, I knew he detested what I did and found me corny. I had to savor this rare moment since it’s been a long, long, long time since I felt this way: fulfilled, blessed, and in bliss.

Aaron’s award serves as a green “go” sign for me that I have to continue walking with my head up for despite my failed plans, lack of material possessions and present challenges — I have Aaron: a priceless gift, a precious gem, my light from God.

To Aaron, a KISS (keep it short and simple) blog from your one and only mommy. I love you.

Please visit his site at http://aaronroselo.net

This evening, I got another surprise. As the Chinese began their Year of the Rat, my Aaron got his cat. My daughter Aleli (an ex supposed-to-be Vet) brought home a tiny two-week old white cat for her brother.

Aleli brought home a kitten!

As I saw the cute and cuddly kitten, I initially felt anxious. It came too soon. Where will it stay? Will my kids have the time and the patience to care for it, to feed it, to keep it safe? Won’t it cause us allergy attacks? Will it be an added work load for me? I had to quell my worries and think positively. Didn’t I even bought birds, hamsters, rats and fishes for Aaron and Aleli when they were in grade school? So, why these qualms about having a new pet, now that they’re older? Then, I remembered my mom always making sure that we had our own pets when we were young since she believed that our pets would serve as our shields against sickness and misfortunes and that they would also be our guinea pigs for early experiences in caring, being responsible, and being loyal to friends.

After a few moments, I found myself holding the kitten in my hand. I patted its fury body as if rubbing a magic lamp. I wished that Gyunyo (meaning “milk” in Japanese) becomes not just another novel toy for Aaron (and Aleli, too) but a white cherub who can teach them bits of lessons on life and love in a fun, experiential and authentic way, at their own time.

As for me, I’d look forward to a time when Gyunyo can help calm and relax my stressful days as trained therapy cats now do for the old, the sick and the lonely.

This is “Gyunyu”, at 2 months. Photo taken by my daughter, Aleli

Forty  years ago, around this time, when my youngest sister Arlene was about 4 years old –  she had very high fever, stomach pains and vomiting, felt generally ill,  and experienced pain in her legs which caused her to limp.  After lab tests, our doctor-uncle confirmed polio (infantile paralysis) and asked that my other sister and I get out of contact with Arlene for the next 2 weeks  to prevent contamination.  Though we resisted being sent to our paternal grandmother temporarily as we were never accustomed to sleeping in other’s home, we were forced by circumstances and we had to obey our parents.

As we left home, my mom reminded us to pray for  Arlene to  get well soon so that we could go back home.  We were not told that she had polio though. While all by herself at home, Arlene found a new playmate  – a 6-inch porcelain statue of the Infant Jesus of Prague which was in our home’s altar.  She talked with the statue as if it were alive.  And, mom heard her saying: “ sana pagalingin mo na ako agad para makapaglaro na ulit ako tulad ng ibang bata” (I hope you can make me well so that I can play as the other children do, very soon). 

On February 2, 1967, God gave us a miracle – Arlene walked without her limp to the surprise of her doctor.  She underwent a series of medical tests and was found absolutely cleared of the virus.  We were called back home and only then did we learn about her polio case and miraculous recovery.   With her childish simplicity in asking for healing, and full trust and confidence in her Godly playmate, her prayers were answered.  God must have destined Arlene to be up and about (not limping with a disability) to be everyone’s kind, loving and benevolent godmother – sharing as much as she has with her loved ones and also  with her lowly workers, lonely friends, the sick, the needy and even tribes from far-flung Palawan  (who are just beginning to know Christ).  While she has not been blessed with a child of her own, she has a lot of children receiving her care, understanding and benevolence – as a true godmother creates magic and makes everyday miracles happen by being around when she is needed most.

I didn’t’ just remember Arlene’s story and the miracle of the Divine child to another child when I heard the homily about the feast of the Sto. Nino this morning,   As a mom trying to do all, please all, and be all  – I have also been reminded to regress, to relearn,  and to be as a child again.  I have to practice surrendering all things to God’s will than endlessly plan and work to death to realize my life purpose and dreams.  I wish I could be a childlike mom.

It made me feel young once more as a child by the Christmas tree: awed by the size of the gift box and eager to know what could be inside it for me. When I opened the box, I was amazed that it contained not just one but 50 individual gifts – each one significant because each brought with it either a golden message of care and concern, affirmation, food for thought, laughter or extra joy to last beyond my birthday. Most gifts were useful but ordinary items – made extraordinary on my 50^th because each red gift has been sought and thought of painstakingly by my siblings and the kids for this special day. Here are the red, red gifts I got and the messages tagged on them, which everyone present took turns to hand over to me with a kiss.

1. Hugo perfume – for everlasting aroma
2. hat – “panlaban sa lamig” (to relieve the cold)
3. bag – You complete me
4. sunglasses – to keep you cool in the sun!
5. hanky – to wipe away tears and “kulangot”
6. scarf – accessorize more
7. jewelry – for more sparkle to your beauty
8. wallet – to keep safe all your life’s wealth
9. umbrella – to keep you cool and flawless
10. shirt – forever looking 16!
11. belt – to tighten your bond with family and friends
12. panty – for the truly beautiful inside and outside
13. pedometer – to help you lose fat and keep you young all the way
14. socks – to cover your tired-out travel-lust feet
15. comb – to further enhance your natural beauty
16. keychain – to keep things within easy reach
17. ball – to remind you that it’s fun being forever young
18. alarm clock – to help you wake up to a new happy day
19. pillbox – for Alice’s “sakits” (illnesses)
20. towel – to freshen you up after the day’s work
21. stapler – to keep things always in place
22. paper clips – to hold on to your upbringings
23. tape measure – to measure your “panindas” (merchandise) and waistline
24. tape – to keep all your things tight and bonded
25. bag tag – to let everyone know who you are
26. magnet – for your magnetic personality
27. ballpen – to bring luck to your ambitious to-do lists
28. paint and crayons –to color our lives and your world with vibrance, as you like it
29. notebook – to scribble your utmost reflections with
30. folder – to compile your thoughts with, enclosing what matters most
31. thumbtacks – to tack things in place
32. paper – to write your precious ideas and memories on
33. clip file – to take your work with you everywhere
34. pillow – for sweet dreams
35. photo frame – to display memories you cherish the most
36. ribbon – for stylish decorations
37. flashlight and candle – to lighten up those dark, gloomy days
38. thread – to help you weave wonderful thoughts with
39. toothpaste and toothbrush – for that pretty Close-up smile
40. padlock – to keep safe
41. soap – to remind you of maintaining a clean heart and mind
42. lip balm – for more kissable lips
43. nail polish – for your fiery red professional nails
44. mirror – to show the world who you really are
45. eyemask – for more beauty
46. red glass – half empty, half full; plate – “para sa mahilig kumain” (for the food lover); spoon and fork – “dahil hindi ka marunong magkamay” (since you don’t know how to eat without utensils)
47. mug – to keep your teas and talks warm and cozy
48. hanger – to keep your special clothes special slippers – for that nice, comfy feeling
49. slippers – for that nice, comfy feeling
50. trash bin – to keep your surroundings neat and clean

When gift giving was over, I saw a tag which said: “rosary – to hold on to the faith that will save you”. I didn’t find any rosary attached to the tag. My youngest sister Arlene even helped look for it. I believed it (the rosary) was meant to be lost, to be invisible, and to be apart from all the physical gifts I got. And, this reminded me to be truly grateful for the real blessings and blessings in disguises I have received over the past 50 years: love, hope and joy; time, care and concern of family and friends; and failures turned into life lessons and stepping stones – the essentials which are invisible to the eye.

To my loving family: Ariel, Aaron and Aleli, my mom Adorita; my siblings Annie, Arlene and Arthur and their spouses Gigi, Abe and Maripol; my niece Kashka and nephews Lean, Nigo, Luigi and Driggs ; and to true friends and their families who remembered: Fr. Emy, Jun, Edna, Erwin, Romy, Lily, Agie and classmates at UP – my heartfelt thanks for the love, the prayers, encouragement and trust that I would continue glowing beyond 50. I love you all!

I try my best (but choose tiny notes cards to limit the words I have to think of and scribble).

But, most don’t write anymore — with too much hustle and bustle in our daily lives leaving us less time at our disposal, our multi-roles as mom, wife, career/business woman, sister, aunt, friend, neighbor and student; the advent of the internet and e-greetings; the convenience of a cellphone text or a call; and the availability of Hallmark cards to choose from to convey our sentiments (which we just have to sign).

And so, I felt very nice, warm and loved when I got my mommy’s personally handwritten birthday note today which said:

My dearest Alice,

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY 50th BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!

Sometimes … we wish we were young, wish we were somewhere, wish we had that something. But sometimes … we wish too much that we miss to enjoy who we are and what we have. Stay happy … The secret to happiness is to embrace and appreciate everything that happens in our life. Take life easy and count your blessing. We all LOVE YOU! That is permanent.

Love, Mommy

This note from mommy will always be a special keepsake of this milestone birthday, a reminder and inspiration that as she is, at 75, I could still make an impact, a difference — by being a loving mom.

]]> http://www.amomandmore.com/family/handwritten-50th-birthday-note-from-my-mom/feed/ 1 http://www.amomandmore.com/personal/turning-50-in-one-red-land-differently-part-3-games/ http://www.amomandmore.com/personal/turning-50-in-one-red-land-differently-part-3-games/#comments Fri, 09 Nov 2007 15:35:00 +0000 A Mom and More beginning lifefamilyfamily gatheringsmidlifeturning 50 http://amomandmore.com/personal/turning-50-in-one-red-land-differently-part-3-games/ Tonight, it’s my turn.

For most of our parties, I handled reception and guests, games and party activities (since my family and I have long realized that I have not been blessed with culinary talents). Tonight, I am relieved as Arthur (my youngest brother) substitutes for me as the party clown-mascot. Tonight, I celebrated a passage to the next half century by “retrogressing” — enjoying playtime as I rarely did in childhood (since I spent time studying to get good grades and be a model eldest sister to my siblings). It was a chance to get physical, rough and spontaneous; to have fun, and to laugh out loud. Why not? Even my 75-year old mom joined the games.

]]> http://www.amomandmore.com/personal/turning-50-in-one-red-land-differently-part-3-games/feed/ 0 http://www.amomandmore.com/uncategorized/turning-50-in-one-red-land-differently-part-1/ http://www.amomandmore.com/uncategorized/turning-50-in-one-red-land-differently-part-1/#comments Fri, 09 Nov 2007 15:09:40 +0000 A Mom and More beginning lifebirthday greetingsfamilyfamily gatheringsmidlifeturning 50 http://amomandmore.com/uncategorized/turning-50-in-one-red-land-differently-part-1/ Today, 9 November 2007, I turned 50.

Unlike my past milestone birthdays at 18, 30, and 40 when I wished for, planned minute details and held big parties attended by relatives from different sides and friends from school, work and business – months back, I told my siblings that I will just have a quiet, budget-friendly, and simple 50^th birthday celebration, exclusively for our closest family members, in keeping with tough times. I am glad about this decision for several reasons:

1. I had less stress in choosing a party theme and planning for details about the venue, decors, physical arrangements; menu and food preparation; invitations, (who to assign as) photographer, give-aways and activities;
2. I had no pressure in making a guest list and ensuring that I did not leave anyone out while considering how each guest could have a jovial evening in the company of a diverse gathering of people;
3. I felt at peace with myself after hearing mass alone and attending my first day of classes in school without any worry about how I would look in my birthday dress; what accessories to wear and how I could conceal with make-up the haggard look on my face (as I check on party minutiae for a perfect birthday and miss out on much needed rest and sleep);
4. My meager cash remained untouched at the end of the day – I even got my age matched with cash gifts and tokens;
5. My family had fun, memorable and meaningful bonding moments focused on me (without feeling obliged to entertain guests as they did during my past birthdays).

A mom in wonderland, a mom in one red land

My two kids (Aon and Aei), my siblings (Annie, Arlene and Arthur), my mom and the rest of the family pooled their time, effort, resources and (yes) acting talents to produce a truly once-in-a-lifetime 50^th birthday celebration for me. My mom told me not to prepare anything since my siblings agreed to treat me to dinner in a Korean restaurant in Makati when all family members shall have arrived from school and work. I wondered why Korean (since I prefer Chinese and Japanese) and why that restaurant (it was in Makati and was a hassle to reach on a Friday because of the traffic along the way).

I also wondered why Ariel (my husband) stalled our trip to Makati till after 7 p.m. although he was back home from work unusually early. He told me that my mom, my siblings and their children would meet at my sister Annie’s home and carpool to Makati to save gas. Upon reaching Annie’s home, my hunch (about a secret party) was reinforced when my brother-in-law opened their home’s gate for Ariel to bring in the car; this is the first time Ariel brought the car inside since it was easier for him to park by the roadside.

I noticed Annie’s home and garden dark and seemingly uninhabited as a meeting place; it is usually well-lit and welcoming for our family events. As I stepped out of the car and walked towards her house, I heard the piano play “Happy Birthday” as my family members one by one left their hiding places to welcome and greet me while my daughter Aleli and my niece Kashka showered me with rose petals.

When the lights went on, I looked around and saw everyone in red (my favorite color), all tables and corners filled with red rose arrangements and a big banner (done by Aaron) flashing the words: Alice @ 50 – still growing, still glowing.

These photos capture the love, the warmth and the passion of my 50^th birthday in my one red (wonder) land.

Inspired by the familial love I felt all around me and in thanksgiving for God’s gift of a half-century of life on earth, I prayed before our usual graces:

Lord, thank you -

For your gift of life and love for the past 50 years;

For my beautiful and loving family who made my happy moments brighter, more meaningful, and more colorful and my tough times lighter, more bearable and hopeful;

For real friends you’ve strewn along my way who’ve been by my side come what may;

For the rewarding career I had with the government and the chance to do business on my own;

For enabling me to see the magnificence of your creation in our country and abroad;

For blessing me with good health, an unwavering faith and the strength to carry on – knowing that the best is yet to come in Your time.

Lord, forgive me for my failings and foibles and

Continue to give me the inspiration to move on, learn from my blunders and falls, re-purpose myself and start over.

As I turn 50 and see life’s sunset and sunrise in a single frame,

Lord, help me -

Age positively, gracefully and meaningfully; and

Accept that the wrinkles, sags, white hairs and achy joints are not defects but reminders that I have struggled, survived, learned, grown and persisted in life through this day.

Help me surrender some plans and dreams which are not aligned to Your will;

Help me be more creative as I use my experience and talents in touching others lives, courageous as I face new challenges and compassionate as I try to understand others beyond their spoken words.

Let me live for meaning, for a higher purpose beyond money, status and others’ applause as I thrive through life’s surprises and adversities with the softness and strength which only You can give me in my journey towards being the Alice you meant me to be, Amen.

All Saints’ Day has been one of the occasions when my mom expects all of us to be together to remember the dead in the family: my dad Alfredo, baby Gabriel Lorenzo “Galo” (my nephew), my grandparents from both maternal and paternal sides, my dad’s siblings, Auntie Iniang and my father-in-law Reding. On All Saints Day, we pay homage to ordinary people (like us) who have had flaws and foibles, were imperfect and sinful but transformed with God’s grace and now share with Him eternal life in the heavenly court.

When we celebrate All Saints’ Day, we either hope and assume that our dead loved ones have already reached their destination (heaven) or that they are almost there through our prayers for them (if we are Catholics and believe purgatory exists and the dead merits from our prayers). I don’t think anyone would ever think of having a family member or friend damned forever in the fires of hell and so we celebrate. We pray for our dead with the hope that when they get to heaven, we can call on them to intercede for us when we pray to the God for our requests.

Meet the four special people whom we remember as a family on All Saints’ Day: Dad, Auntie Iniang, Galo and my father-in-law Reding and read my mom’s monologue with them when we visited their memorial niches.

My dad enjoyed a materialisic life (and was a patron of ABS “alak, babae, sugal”) as a successful contractor during his time, until he had a stroke, mellowed down, reconciled with the Lord and his family and peacefully passed away after my mom’s birthday in 1990. He could be in heaven now after mom’s and our countless petitions and prayers for the repose of his soul.

• “Fred, I am here with our children and grandchildren (and mom enumerated all our names). I hope you are already at peace and happy in heaven. Watch and guide us always and protect us from the evils of the world. Help our children and their spouses (and mom enumerated all our names again) in their jobs and businesses. Enable them to ink big projects and business deals and lead them away from troubles and adversities. Take care of our grandchildren (and mom enumerated all her grandkids’ names), keep them healthy and assist them in their schoolwork. May we always have a loving and happy family.” Seeing my thin youngest nephew, mom continues: Make Driggs stouter please. And mom caps her monologue with humor “also, lead me to the lucky slot machine so that I will win the jackpot soon. Thank you. Thank you.”

Auntie Iniang is surely in heaven. I dreamt of her wearing white, smiling down at us and looking much stouter than the last time we took her photo before she died. She dedicated her whole life serving our entire family from the time she (Auntie) was barely a teener as mom’s nanny then as chaperone, helper and cook when mom had to study in Manila and stay in a dorm then as mom’s grand assistant when she married and became a stay-at-home mom. She was our constant companion since she never left the house (except to watch movies once in a blue moon), our guardian and sometimes, surrogate mother. I am lucky to have been her favorite child since I was the easiest to handle and please. She secretly told me that if I get married, she wished I would bring her with me to my new home. She never dated nor thought about marrying since she said she was already very happy to have me and my siblings to love as her own children. She said she will only leave us when she dies; hence, even when she was already diagnosed with angina and an enlarged heart and ordered to refrain from household chores and we had to ask her to go to her province to take a vacation — she cut her vacation short, returned to our home and insisted in cooking our meals, handwashing our clothes and cleaning the house till she succumbed to a massive heart attack on the dawn of 24 November 1984.

• “Manang Iniang, we all came here last night (mom enumerated our names) but the cemetery gates were already closed. How are you? I hope you are well and happy in heaven. I am very thankful for the love and patience which you showered all of us when you were living. I wish you would have lived longer to see my children, whom you loved as your own — graduate from college, find jobs, start their businesses, have beautiful families and succeed. You have been with us in the past when times were tough and now that we can enjoy the good life, I feel sorry that you are gone and can no longer enjoy the convenience and pleasures that you more than deserve for all you unending sacrifices. Now, we can only tell you our heartfelt thanks and remember you in our prayers. I am sure you are happy seeing my children grow up as they are now. This would not have been possible without you by my side.” My mom proceeds with the same requests as she asked dad except for the casino portion. “Please extend my regards to Compadre Reding, the in-law of Alice, when you see him since I cannot visit him anymore. He is a very good man when he was alive. Tell mamang and papang (my grandparents) that I will visit them at the cemetery tomorrow. Good bye. We will go now.”

Gabriel Lorenzo is our guardian angel — the second son of my younger sister. He had multiple congenital deformities at birth that the Lord took him a few minutes after his birth to save my sister and our family from the lifelong pains of seeing him suffer if he lived.

• “Galo, I am sure Manang Iniang, your lolo Fred and all lolos and lolas are taking care you very well. You should be a tall boy now, after 17 years. Watch over all of us always please.”

Papa Reding, my in-law, lived to be everybody’s assistant, caregiver, and support. He never showed signs that he would leave us soon. With severe headache and vomiting last 19 November 2006, he was admitted for hypertension, suffered an aneurysm, went on coma, had a series of brain operations, went home after a month in the hospital’s ICU and died a few days before his 82nd birthday in January 2007. I never thought that his birthday call on my 49th birthday in November 2006 would be the last time I would hear his always pleasant voice.

Would you believe that my mom has been talking to our departed in this canned monologue for the past two decades?

Our dead must have heard her. Our family has been blessed with good health, rewarding jobs and projects, a tight but comfortable bonding and challenges which continue to keep us alive. And as an extra, mom frequently wins from the slot machines during her joy trips to her entertainment galleries.

For me and my daughter Aei, going to second hand shops has an extra benefit — it is a good bonding time for us since we are both thrifty (or rather, we have a small disposable income nowadays), prefer unique, one-of-a-kind clothes; not brand-conscious (unlike the men in my family); patient enough to rummage through an array of (sometimes) dusty and smelly clothes; and care less for wearing hand-me-downs from whoever.

In the 1970s (my high school years) I never experienced buying and using clothes from second hand stores like Eloy’s. My mom frowned upon using segunda mano and relief goods from the USA since she was afraid that the clothes might come from a sick or dead person and negative energy or bad luck may be passed on to us. Thus, to be able to wear stylish clothes on a shoestring budget, mom encouraged us to recycle and sew our own clothes out of her retazos (scrap cloth) or else, rip off gently worn, outmoded dresses and recycle them into new ones.

It was in 1989 that I experienced buying and using second hand items. Then, I bought and used winter jackets, kitchen utensils, lamps and furniture from second-hand stores as a government scholar to USA — to budget the limited stipend I got for school and living expenses. During this brief stay in the USA, I frequented Goodwill stores, flea markets and yard/garage sales where I bought very cheap antique home decors which still adorn our home through this time. Shopping in these bargain stores served as my pastime and antidote to homesickness (for the two toddlers I left in Manila). This experience also paved the way for my interest in ebay trading, initially to rid of my idle stuff and overstocked purchases.

For over a decade hence (since I was earning enough), I skipped going to thrift shops and just bought from the malls during sale season. However, 3 years ago, Aei re-introduced me to local second-hand shops called ukay-ukay (UK) or wagwagan meaning dig and shake, respectively. She developed a fondness for these UK shops, her supplier of almost new leather boots, rare bags, unique clothes and branded castoffs at 1/10 their cost in the malls. My son followed suit as he found a favorite Japan anime store from which he got original pre-owned plushies, mini resin collectibles, unique trading cards and posters.

Over the years, shopping for second-hand clothes has developed into an art trip for Aei and me. We have learned to scrutinize details on the items for sale, to take our time in spotting a treasure out of some junk, and to squeeze our creativity in reconstructing used clothes to suit our fancy.

Today, our unscheduled visit to a UK shop has proven to be an essential part of Aei’s therapy for her toe callus surgery – a diversion which helped her re-focus her mind away from the pain on her toe which to date still has an open hole the size of a Philippines peso coin. Believe me, her toe didn’t ache as we shopped for almost two hours while she writhed in pain with just a slight toe bump when we are at home.

From today’s ukay-ukay shopping, after haggling with the store owner, Aei and I happily went home with two plastic bags containing six skirts, seven tops and a new sweater all for 680 pesos – that’s less than the cost of a single F & H shirt for my son.

Do you also like to shop and save on seconds? Or, would you like to give it a try soon?

I’ll let you sneak at my new wardrobe from UK next post. Shhhh …

I experienced calluses during my working girl days: wearing high-heeled shoes 8-5, partying with a new pair of stilettos, or shopping with narrow-toed, tight, and ill-fitting shoes on.

My daughter Aei developed a callus under her left toe two months ago from wearing boots and walking (or running) to and from her classes in different UP Diliman campus buildings.

It was thick and hard so I asked her to put on plaster to ease the pain; thus, she was able to wear all of her boots again. Of course, she followed typical callus remedies she saw on the net like: wearing thick socks for cushioning, filing the callus with a pumice stone after bath and applying moisturizers to soften the skin.

A month ago, her callus developed a hole in the middle; no pain. She persisted in wearing boots. Towards the end of the sem, she showed her callus again and I advised her to see the doctor. But, she decided to finish her extracurricular tasks first (JAM magazine articles, her blogs, T-shirt design contests, school reunions and sem-enders and more) which she targeted after finals such that squeezing-in a doctor’s schedule became an ordeal for me. I gave her the option to ask me to go with her to the doctor whenever she’d have time. Our doctor’s visit didn’t push through till this early Sunday morning when she came teary-eyed, showing me her inflamed callus which was tender to touch. She requested: I want to go to the doctor now. No general surgeon was on duty as we expected; so the whole Sunday, Aei was filled with anxiety, especially since she feared that she had diabetes: a self-diagnosis she got from her web search, a cry we dismissed since she eats health foods, just had a normal blood chem and exercises a lot.

Aei learns

When the surgeon saw her toe today, he confirmed that Aei had an infected callus. It had thickened and cracked, appeared like a carbuncle and was inflamed. The surgeon prescribed co-amoxiclav antibiotics and diclofenac sodium and asked us to be back for SURGERY after two days. The procedure: a scraping of the callus until all dead skin layers have been removed.

Through this experience, Aei learned:

1. to give priority to health and medical issues at the onset and to consult the doctor when symptoms of any illness arise; and
2. that prevention is still better than cure, i.e. buy and wear more comfortable shoes (those with good padding and ample space in the toe area) and have a pedicure or foot spa to help keep calluses to a minimum aside from wearing more comfortable though less stylish shoes, using pads and cushions as needed and applying lotions to soften the skin and prevent callus build-up.

Mom learns

What a timely coincidence, when we reached home and I opened some unread mails, I got struck as I read the following quote from a newsletter from Guy Finley, author of the best-selling book, The Secret of Letting Go :

“Happiness can’t grow here: The heart watered by tears born of self-pity slowly hardens and turns to stone.”

As a mom, a wife and a lot more, I am bombarded by pressures everyday as I struggle and try to meet my roles, everyone’s needs and expectations. I get heart aches for never living up to my husband’s unique standards on food, clothes, parenting, home, career and money as he complains about everything I do (perhaps, it’s andropause?). I get frustrated when I ask my kids to help me with my blogging and they shrug me off since I learn slowly or they’re just too busy with school stuff or I am asked to learn through online tutorial. I am disappointed when I show my concern for them by asking how their day was, if they already ate, took their medicines or have an umbrella — and they say I am nagging again. I sometimes desperately yearn for a friend who can have time, just listen and be with me as when I had a career and business in my younger years. I feel occasionally anxious about going to a new journey like Alice in Wonderland.

I have accumulated burnout, depression, anger, anxiety into my system – just like the layers of toughened skin on Aei’s callus. I pity myself at times. Perhaps, if I didn’t believe in a God who wants me to be happy but who sends in challenges to mold me to be better someday, I would have already been a cold, hard, callused person after all my stresses.

From Aei’s callus, I learned that it’s time I also scrape off and let go some of my self-defeating emotions (my calluses starting to harden up) and bring out the real me again — for I never want to be a stone.

I had to learn a bit more about them when my son Aon (then 7 years old) developed an interest in dinosaurs after seeing Spielberg’s Jurassic Park around 1993. Without really knowing why he began liking dinosaurs (except that it was a childish fad), we gave him dino books, posters, dino bone puzzles, and resin collectibles to encourage him to discover new things, to learn about science though the dinosaur. However, in less than a quarter of a year, it was goodbye dinosaur and hello pogs for Aon.

I am glad I preserved his dino stuff to hand down to my youngest nephew Driggs. Unlike Aon, Driggs had loved dinosaurs for already 6 years, since he was barely 2. He has treasured the dino collections he has inherited from Aon and continues to appreciate dino-themed gifts on his birthdays. He teaches me the names of differest dinos and quizzes me about them. I often feel embarrassed I can’t remember all (or refuse to, afraid to have nightmares about them) since I see dinosaurs as mythical monsters with sharp teeth, rough skin, and big feet — unlike the cuddly bears, puppies, and bunnies I’ve always been fond of.

For Driggs’ sake, I forced myself to remember these dinosaur facts: 1) the word dinosaur comes from the term dinosauria meaning terrible lizard, 2) some dinosaurs are plant eaters (herbivores) and some were meat eaters (omnivores), 3) the age at death of a dinosaur is determined by counting the rings on its long bones as each ring represents a year of growth just like the rings in a tree trunk, and 4) the famous dinosaur in Jurassic Park is the T-rex (or Tyrannosaurus rex meaning Tyrant Lizard King). T-rex is Driggs’ favorite dinosaur so I had to get to know it by heart to please him: it has 2 legs and was 40 feet long. It’s jaws were up to 4 feet long and it’s teeth can grow up to 13 inches. It has a bumpy, crocodile-like skin, with arms 3-feet long and weight of 5 to 7 tons. It’s stride length is about 12 to 15 feet and it can run about 15 mph.

Still wondering, I asked Driggs during one of our family lunches “why do you like dinosaurs Driggs? they look frightful, ugly and mean to me. ” Without thinking, he replied, “because they are big, strong and powerful” — the exact extreme qualities of a small, frail and often helpless young boy or all the things that he is not (yet) but want to be. I got it. The dinosaur is Driggs’ or any little boy’s fantasy or make-believe self. Hearing Driggs words made me blush. My curiosity has been satisfied, my question has been answered.

Happy happy birthday Driggy boy! May you grow up with a big heart, with strong moral beliefs and the power from within yourself, from the Lord — a dinosaur in your own time.

1. My first school – St. Domitilla’s School, now St. Bridget’s School, where I studied from Kindergarten through Grade 6. The school was a short 5-minute leisurely walk from our home. St. Bridget’s was inside The Good Shepherd convent which then spanned the whole block from Batino Street to Katipunan Avenue. During those days, The Good Shepherd convent was home to several German sisters who run St. Bridget’s with the orientation of the Sisters of the Good Shepherd founded by St. Mary Euphrasia Pelletier who believed that “one person is of more value than a world” – the same value that Jesus the Good Shepherd attaches to His sheep. The Good Shepherd convent compound was then some sort of a natural sanctuary with huge trees, big patches of zinnia and other flowering plants, and home to butterflies, dragonflies, grasshoppers, and chirping birds. It was also place where one could savor the aroma of freshly-baked chocolate cookies made by the nuns to support their evangelical and socio-civic activities. This natural aura is now gone. One can barely see the diminutive convent which has given way to development – the Light Railway Transit (LRT) plying Santolan to Recto.

2. Strawberry and ube jam, crinkles and sweets made by the sisters of The Good Shepherd in Baguio (near Mines View Park) which we never fail to visit when we go up to Baguio. Buying the sisters’ produce guarantees us the best sweets to bring home for “pasalubong” and gives us a nice feeling that buying the jams at a premium over market prices is worth it since we help send some Cordillera youth to school through our purchase.

3. A former officemate, an engineer, who has given himself the role of being a good shepherd to his flock in his church community. He has always chosen to retain his corporate rank (than be promoted) while all his peers and subordinates have already gone up the corporate hierarchy and left him behind. He has traded off job promotions for low profile work to be able to prioritize caring for and tending of his so-called “sheep” or followers in his religious group.

4. A school teacher committed in molding the minds of his/her students. I vividly remember an instance when my kids’ toddler-school teacher really looked liked a shepherd trying to keep all her naughty and curious students from running away, wandering and getting lost at the Parks and Wildlife Park during a field trip in class.

Today, the parable of The Good Shepherd brought me an added realization that moms (in a sense) are also “good shepherds”: lovingly caring for their children every day (as shepherd’s care for their sheep), watching and guiding them so they will not go astray and unconditionally accepting them back when they get lost and return to the family’s fold.