A phone call, a text message, an email or even an old-fashioned Hallmark greeting card (conveying sincere feelings as below which we couldn’t really say directly) can help keep the glow of our friendships burning bright through the years without creating a big hole in our pockets,  purses, or bank accounts.

Do you know that the hand
You first offered me in friendship
Is still what steadies me
When I am shaken,
Still what inspires me when I have doubts?
Do you know how often
Your patience and advice
Help me find perspectives
I haven’t seen, confidence I’ve lost?
Do you know that I’ve shared with you secrets
No one else will ever know,
Laughed about so many silly things
That few could ever understand?
Do you know that I cannot imagine
My life without you in it,
Without your support to boost me,
And your strength to inspire me?
Of course you do –
You know all this,
Good friends just know.

I have been blessed with true, old and tested friends who continue to share their lives (and secrets) with me, believe in me, encourage me, and love me as I am.  Yes, we’ve talked for hours earlier this week before the phone lines get congested as Christmas approaches.  And it felt sooo good:  recollecting younger days, chuckling over funny times, and even shedding tears for unfulfilled dreams and expectations.  It felt so Christmas-y knowing that somewhere, some friend will always be there to lift me up, give me hope and boost my strength to carry on (in these cashless days).

Merry Christmas web friend!  You’ve kept me writing by reading on.

DCP was the first Corporate Planning Vice President I ever worked with as I began my career as power economist 29 years ago.  I can still remember how he used to recount amusing stories about how he and his other pioneering colleagues in the Philippine electric power industry toiled to erect some of the first electric woodpoles in Laguna in the 1940s — to bring light to a few homes and establishments in Luzon.  For an economics graduate like me, Working with DCP made learning the technicalities of power engineering, system planning and the power utility business — doable, interesting and fun.  DCP has been generous to his staff when it came to approving field work in the provinces where we had to see for ourselves how the power system and market operates and to mingle with the men behind the gigantic power structures — to effectively use the hard and lifeless data we receive at our desks in Manila for the power projections we need to develop for the corporation.

DCP treated his staffers just like his very own family members.  And this made working for him simple, light and fun.  I still remember the wonderful “asaltos” we celebrated at his home every year where executives, employees, colleagues, suppliers and family members gather the night before his birthday — to welcome another great year ahead for him.  Attending his asalto has become a tradition which no one dared to miss and regret later.

DCP was like a warm, affectionate and doting father to me.  I was so touched to see him and his wife on my wedding day despite his hectic schedule.  When he retired, my bond with DCP lived on through his daughter who became my co-parent at SHS and his grand daughter who remains Aleli’s friend to this day.  During those times when I saw him attend school affairs of Nika and Aleli, I never fail to tell him: Sir, ang kisig pa rin ninyo, walang kakupas-kupas at parang hindi kayo tumatanda.  Ano po ba sekreto ninyo? (Sir, you are still looking good, fresh and young.  What’s your secret?)  For a man who lived to be 88 today, I couldn’t believe his usual reply: alcohol, smoke, play and fun.  In his charming ways, he didn’t exactly tell me his answers to his longevity.  Instead he motioned with his hands and face: drinking, smoking, golfing and a naughty smile.

To my dear DCP, another Scorpion who left a positive sting in me (that I have developed my own kind of loving sting as well), I pray that the Lord may continue to shower your life with more happy tomorrows to look forward to.  You have most of the things anyone could wish for in life by now, so here’s to you — 88 birthday greetings from all over the world to welcome another blessed year ahead of you.

1. Afrikaans: Veels geluk met jou verjaarsdag!
2. Alsatian: Gueter geburtsdaa!
3. Arabic: Eid milaad saeed! or Kul sana wa inta/i tayeb/a! (masculine/feminie)
4. Armenian: Taredartzet shnorhavor! or Tsenund shnorhavor!
5. Brazil: Parabens a voce!
6. Breton: Deiz-ha-bloaz laouen deoc’h!
7. Bulgarian: Chestit Rojden Den!
x. Cambodian: Som owie nek mein aryouk yrinyu!
8. Catalan: Per molts anys!
9. Chinese-Cantonese: Sun Yat Fai Lok!
10. Chinese-Mandarin: Sheng ri kuai le!
11. Croatian: Sretan Rodjendan!
12. Czech: Vsechno nejlepsi!
13. Danish: Tillykke med fodselsdagen!
14. Dutch-Flemish: Gelukkige verjaardag! or Prettige verjaardag!
15. Dutch: Hartelijk gefeliciteerd! or Van harte gefeliciteerd met jeverjaardag!
16. English: Happy Birthday!
17. Esperanto: Felichan Naskightagon!
18. Estonian: Palju onne sunnipaevaks!
19. Euskera: Zorionak zure urtebetetze egunean!
20. Filipino-Kapangpangan: Mayap a Kabaitan!
21. Filipino-Tagalog: Maligayang Bati!
22. Filipino-Visaya: Maligayang Kaadlawan!
23. Finnish: Hyvaa syntymapaivaa!
24. French: Joyeux Anniversaire!
25. Frisian: Lokkiche jierdei!
26. Gaelic: Co` latha breith sona dhut!
27. German: Alles Gute zum Geburtstag!
28. German-Badisch: Allis Guedi zu dim Fescht!
29. German-Bavarian: Ois Guade zu Deim Geburdstog!
30. German-Bernese: Es Muentschi zum Geburri!
31. German-Saarlaendisch: Alles Gudde for dei Gebordsdaach!
32. Greek: Eftixismena Gennethlia! or Xronia polla!
33. Hawaiian: Hau`oli la hanau!
34. Hebrew: Yom Huledet Same’ach!
35. Hungarian: Boldog szuletesnapot!
36. Icelandic: Til hamingju med afmaelisdaginn!
37. Indian-Malayalam: Pirannal Aasamsakal!
38. Indian-Marathi: Wadhdiwasachya Shubhechhya!
39. Indian-Gujrati: Janam Divas Mubarak!
40. Indian-Hindi: Janam Din ki badhai!
41. Indian-Kannada: Huttu Habbada Shubhashayagalu!
42. Indian – Rajasthani: Janam ghaanth ri badhai, khoob jeeyo!
43. Indian-Tamil: Piranda naal vaazhthukkal!
44. Indonesian: Selamat Ulang Tahun!
45. Irish-gaelic: La-breithe mhaith agat! or Co` latha breith sonadhut!
46. Italian: Buon Compleanno!
47. Japanese: Otanjou-bi Omedetou Gozaimasu!
48. Javaans-Indonesia: Slamet Ulang Taunmoe!
49. Korean: Sang il nal chuk a hap ni da!
50. Klingon: Quchjaj qoSlIj!
51. Kyrgyz: Tulgan kunum menen!
52. Latin: Fortuno natalis!
53. Latvian: Daudz laimes dzimsanas diena!
54. Lithuanian: Sveikinu su gimtadieniu! or Geriausi linkejimai gimtadienio proga!
55. Luxembourg: Vill Gleck fir daei Geburtsdaag!
56. Macedonian: Sreken roden den!
57. Malaysian: Selamat Hari Jadi!
58. Maltese: Nifrahlek ghal gheluq snienek!
59. Maori: Kia huritau ki a koe!
60. Norwegian: Gratulerer med dagen!
61. Pakistan-Gujrati: Saal Mubarak!
62. Pakistan-Urdu: Saalgirah Mubarak!
63. Papiamento (lower Dutch Antilles): Masha Pabien I hopi aña mas!
64. Persian: Tavalodet Mobarak!
65. Polish: Wszystkiego Najlepszego!
66. Portuguese: Feliz Aniversario! or Parabens!
67. Portuguese-Brazil: Parabens pelo seu aniversario!
68. Romanian: La Multi Ani!
69. Russian: S dnem rozhdenia! or Pazdravliayu s dniom rozhdenia!
70. Samoan: Manuia lou aso fanau!
71. Serbian: Srecan Rodjendan!
72. Slovene: Vse najboljse za rojstni dan!
73. South Afican-Xhosa: Mini emnandi Kuwe!
74. Spanish: Feliz Cumpleanos!
75. Sri Lankan: Suba Upan dinayak vewa!
76. Sundanese: Wilujeng Tepang Taun!
77. Surinamese: Mi fresteri ju!
78. Swahili: Hongera!
79. Swedish: Grattis paa foedelsedagen!
80. Switzerland: Vill Glück zum Geburri!
xx. Syrian-Orthodox: Tahnyotho or brigo!
81. Telugu: Puttina Roju Shubakanksalu!
82. Thai: Suk San Wan Keut!
83. Tibetian: Droonkher Tashi Delek!
84. Turkish: Dogum gunun kutlu olsun!
85. Ukrainian: Mnohiya lita!
86. Vietnamese: Chuc Mung Sinh Nhat!
87. Welsh: Pen-blwydd Hapus i Chi!
88. Yiddish: A Freilichem Geborentog

Reader, any ingredient/s for a long and happy life  which you’d like to share with me?

But, I spent the day meaningfully taking first steps to liberate myself from: home clutter, inertia to write, and life traps.

1.    I’ve began to de-clutter and clean-up.  Since it would surely take me months to sort, decide to throw or retain, and organize important stuff I’ve accumulated for the past five decades – for time management, I set aside just half of the day for a start.  I targeted three boxes (blocking the door of our stock room) which contained photocopied references, handouts, loose notes, and term papers from education courses I took the past year.  I sorted through reams of paper, rushing myself to decide which to: toss in the trash, give-away to a friend, bind for future use or temporarily keep out of sight (in a “may use” box).  With a day helper’s assistance in punching holes and binding related papers together, I was content to have six binders of neatly organized materials from my six education courses by lunch time.

2.    I’ve managed to write this blog after some time of slack, anxiety, too much ideas, and pending workloads – causing a writer’s block.  I have drafted several blogs which I never posted at all because of my notion that I should write error-free, grammatically acceptable and information-laden blogs which are just 300- to 500-words long, as most blog writers recommend.  This is a reflection of my self-conscious and perfectionist nature which oftentimes make writing burdensome than enjoyable for me.

3.    I’ve started my own life trap therapy. This matches my goal of sustained self-discovery and self-improvement even at 50. I have been reading the book “Reinventing Your Life: How to Break Free From Negative Life Patterns” by Jeffrey E. Young and Janet S. Klosko since the past weekend.  Using Young’s questionnaire, I realized that I have  life traps (a negatively controlling set of beliefs), a self-destructive pattern or schema which I repeatedly confront and which robs me of the happiness and fulfillment I could have had in my relationships, work and life in general.

These two leading American psychologists described (and suggested solutions) to eleven life traps. I recognized two major life traps operating in me, both dealing with self-expression or the ability to express what one wants and get one’s true needs met.  The first is called the subjugation life trap wherein one sacrifices one’s own needs and desires to please others and to satisfy others’ needs such that one’s needs are never met.   My other life trap is called the unrelenting standards life trap which is typical of people who set rigid standards and have very high expectations of themselves at the expense of happiness, health and even relationships.

So far, I’ve also read that life traps originate in childhood and reverberates through our lives.  And because of this, parents have to be extra careful about the kind of parenting style they use on their children since these determine how children later on think, feel, act and relate to others. My life taps were probably linked to my being a first-born child who experienced being overprotected, one who had to obey and conform to my parents’ rules as a role model for my siblings (including making it to the top in school), one who had to always give-in as the eldest child and who had to please others always, one who had to help and be around when problem situations arise.

I am glad that life traps can be addressed successfully if we desire to.  And, I have just taken my first step towards liberation from my life traps – identifying and recognizing these traps.  With the baby steps I took today, just as our country proclaimed its first independence from colonial bondage on 12 June, 110 years ago – I am certain that I am now on the road to freedom from home clutter, writer’s block and life traps.

It made me feel young once more as a child by the Christmas tree: awed by the size of the gift box and eager to know what could be inside it for me. When I opened the box, I was amazed that it contained not just one but 50 individual gifts – each one significant because each brought with it either a golden message of care and concern, affirmation, food for thought, laughter or extra joy to last beyond my birthday. Most gifts were useful but ordinary items – made extraordinary on my 50^th because each red gift has been sought and thought of painstakingly by my siblings and the kids for this special day. Here are the red, red gifts I got and the messages tagged on them, which everyone present took turns to hand over to me with a kiss.

1. Hugo perfume – for everlasting aroma
2. hat – “panlaban sa lamig” (to relieve the cold)
3. bag – You complete me
4. sunglasses – to keep you cool in the sun!
5. hanky – to wipe away tears and “kulangot”
6. scarf – accessorize more
7. jewelry – for more sparkle to your beauty
8. wallet – to keep safe all your life’s wealth
9. umbrella – to keep you cool and flawless
10. shirt – forever looking 16!
11. belt – to tighten your bond with family and friends
12. panty – for the truly beautiful inside and outside
13. pedometer – to help you lose fat and keep you young all the way
14. socks – to cover your tired-out travel-lust feet
15. comb – to further enhance your natural beauty
16. keychain – to keep things within easy reach
17. ball – to remind you that it’s fun being forever young
18. alarm clock – to help you wake up to a new happy day
19. pillbox – for Alice’s “sakits” (illnesses)
20. towel – to freshen you up after the day’s work
21. stapler – to keep things always in place
22. paper clips – to hold on to your upbringings
23. tape measure – to measure your “panindas” (merchandise) and waistline
24. tape – to keep all your things tight and bonded
25. bag tag – to let everyone know who you are
26. magnet – for your magnetic personality
27. ballpen – to bring luck to your ambitious to-do lists
28. paint and crayons –to color our lives and your world with vibrance, as you like it
29. notebook – to scribble your utmost reflections with
30. folder – to compile your thoughts with, enclosing what matters most
31. thumbtacks – to tack things in place
32. paper – to write your precious ideas and memories on
33. clip file – to take your work with you everywhere
34. pillow – for sweet dreams
35. photo frame – to display memories you cherish the most
36. ribbon – for stylish decorations
37. flashlight and candle – to lighten up those dark, gloomy days
38. thread – to help you weave wonderful thoughts with
39. toothpaste and toothbrush – for that pretty Close-up smile
40. padlock – to keep safe
41. soap – to remind you of maintaining a clean heart and mind
42. lip balm – for more kissable lips
43. nail polish – for your fiery red professional nails
44. mirror – to show the world who you really are
45. eyemask – for more beauty
46. red glass – half empty, half full; plate – “para sa mahilig kumain” (for the food lover); spoon and fork – “dahil hindi ka marunong magkamay” (since you don’t know how to eat without utensils)
47. mug – to keep your teas and talks warm and cozy
48. hanger – to keep your special clothes special slippers – for that nice, comfy feeling
49. slippers – for that nice, comfy feeling
50. trash bin – to keep your surroundings neat and clean

When gift giving was over, I saw a tag which said: “rosary – to hold on to the faith that will save you”. I didn’t find any rosary attached to the tag. My youngest sister Arlene even helped look for it. I believed it (the rosary) was meant to be lost, to be invisible, and to be apart from all the physical gifts I got. And, this reminded me to be truly grateful for the real blessings and blessings in disguises I have received over the past 50 years: love, hope and joy; time, care and concern of family and friends; and failures turned into life lessons and stepping stones – the essentials which are invisible to the eye.

To my loving family: Ariel, Aaron and Aleli, my mom Adorita; my siblings Annie, Arlene and Arthur and their spouses Gigi, Abe and Maripol; my niece Kashka and nephews Lean, Nigo, Luigi and Driggs ; and to true friends and their families who remembered: Fr. Emy, Jun, Edna, Erwin, Romy, Lily, Agie and classmates at UP – my heartfelt thanks for the love, the prayers, encouragement and trust that I would continue glowing beyond 50. I love you all!

For most of our parties, I handled reception and guests, games and party activities (since my family and I have long realized that I have not been blessed with culinary talents). Tonight, I am relieved as Arthur (my youngest brother) substitutes for me as the party clown-mascot. Tonight, I celebrated a passage to the next half century by “retrogressing” — enjoying playtime as I rarely did in childhood (since I spent time studying to get good grades and be a model eldest sister to my siblings). It was a chance to get physical, rough and spontaneous; to have fun, and to laugh out loud. Why not? Even my 75-year old mom joined the games.

]]> http://www.amomandmore.com/personal/turning-50-in-one-red-land-differently-part-3-games/feed/ 0 http://www.amomandmore.com/personal/three-meetings-three-roles/ http://www.amomandmore.com/personal/three-meetings-three-roles/#comments Fri, 19 Oct 2007 10:29:13 +0000 A Mom and More friendshipmomnew journeyschool http://amomandmore.com/personal/three-meetings-three-roles/ Today, aside from being a mom, I played three roles: Ma’m, Mrs. and me.

Early morning breakfast at McDo, as Ma’m — I met Ade (not her real name), our ever-loyal, hardworking and longest running assistant (a. k. a. “super alalay”). I have known her for almost 20 years now. We first met when she was a senior student at UE and was assigned to be my student-trainee. After graduation, she came in time for work as office assistant to handle my first post-retirement job (as independent manager for Sara Lee). Later, I stood as a witness to her wedding nine years ago (though I advised her to rethink her decision even when we were already in the City Hall’s courtroom). She became the breadwinner in her family, as expected.

When we met, she confided about wanting to leave the country for economic reasons – for the sake of her only son’s future, even willing to find a new partner and to ask her husband to set her free. What advice did I give her: stick with your husband for better or for worst? make sure to hook a good, old, rich man? make up your mind? think again and let’s talk it over?

Mid-morning at a dental clinic, as Mrs./”older” mom – I met Dra. Marissa (not her real name), the dentist for HMI at our area. This was a long overdue dental visit because Aon’s school work made interruptions impossible. What we expected as a 15-minute routine dental cleaning turned out to be two hours of multiple dental fills, a tooth X-ray and a surgery for a fully decayed molar. Dental treatment for Aon ended at 12 noon, so, I thought the dentist will take a lunch break before she attends to me but she didn’t..

It seemed like a working luncheon meeting for me because while on the dental chair, the lady dentist took her time to share with me her challenges as a single mom to her 7-year old son whom she called her “living diamond.” Her concern was: choosing a good school for boys which is not too far from her place, tuition fee not too high, and low incidence of bullying and minimal exposure to gays. Her choices: Ateneo, La Salle, UP, or Claret. She voiced her views about this schools. I told her mines based on our family’s preferences and biases, my husband, son and I having been students of these schools for different courses and at different times in the past. I know the criteria for choosing a good school depending on the student’s capacity and learning style and other variables, but am I competent enough to influence our dentist in making her choice? I wish I could help her.

Late lunch at TOSH, as a classmate and old friend – My third “meeting”. Upon entering the restaurant, I saw a familiar face, a friendly smile, a nod and hand gesture of recognition. Yes, despite the passing of time (over 25 years), we remember people who have touched our lives in a special way. I was sure who he was – Romy Nones (this time, name for real), one of my favorite and best group study mates at DLSU Business School in the early 1980s, a soft-spoken engineer from UP who charmed ladies in class with his boyish charm, good nature and intelligence (but who got married earlier than most of us). I felt happy when we met face-to-face in the rest room corridor of TOSH and were instantly able to call each other correctly by our first names. Romy was with his brods planning for frat activities for the forthcoming UP Centennial in 2008. I took the chance to introduce Romy to my family and what a small world: his daughter Monica and my son Aon are friends at Ateneo.

We exchanged cell numbers. Unexpectedly, I’ve barely reached home when I got his text: Alice, I was really happy to see you after such a long time. Kudos to you for having a nice family. And a follow on text: I know we will see each other again soon… (after we exchanged emails).

My three meetings today filled me up: no, not with dental filling nor McDo’s pancakes nor TOSH’s pasta negra and cheesy pizza. I felt full knowing that – even if I haven’t reached my planned destination as scheduled, there is hope that my new journey will bring me to better paths where I may still fulfill my life’s purpose. Today’s three meetings have given me the assurance that I CAN be a more than a mom.

I miss the comfort, convenience and cost effectiveness I had with my Fuego. Now, I have to walk under the heat of the sun or the pouring rain, queue for a public ride, find my way to hire a taxi and squeeze myself into the jampacked light rail trains. Now, I have to be carrying an extra shopping bag to contain changeover clothes, shoes and accessories (if I have to attend a formal meeting after I’m done with window shopping); provisions to make use of waiting time efficiently (as a diary, a book, files to sort, greeting cards, a calculator); my water jug and an apple (to prevent myself from sweet temptations); an umbrella (as UV screen) and a camera (for Kodak moments).

I miss the unplanned, spontaneous and surprise trips I can make all by myself (to pass by a mall sale, find a meditation spot, have a surprise lunch with family/friends, go to the salon or just lazily drive around and sight-see) and with my kids (to try a new snack bar, to attend their school affair even if I’m the only mom present, to bring our dog Ashley for a walk in the park). Now, we have very limited places to see and have to schedule even short trips.

I miss the entrepreneurial tries in starting and pursuing small businesses of trading almost anything under the sun which I used to be able to do with my Fuego around. I can load the pick-up with a variety of goods all in one time without having to worry about getting it soiled, giving it a scent or odor or washing off spilled liquids. I used to load it with perfumes, make-up, clothes, shoes, e-cards, tocino, longganisa, flowers, plants, oil , water, tissue, soap and books and more — to deliver to clients. Now, I would have to shun away from bulky, heavy, smelly and watery goods; else, hire a delivery van or courier service or bear the weight and trouble of carrying merchandise to sell. And so, I have had to repackage my entrepreneurial interest from merchandise to services and to even learn new skills to make myself still useful and marketable.

I miss my Fuego for providing me a space all mines to be in. It has been my own small planet when I wanted to laugh at silly things I did, to cry my heart out over flopped plans and frustrations and to celebrate secret personal triumphs no one will have ever recognized existed. It has been a dear red pal — always with me through my past ups and downs.

I have moved on with life after I sadly gave it away 3 years ago. I have realized that it is part of a bittersweet past I should be thankful for the happy days and mindful of lessons learned. I have walked different paths since then also. I (almost) forgot my red Fuego until this morning…

… when I had to humbly request for a ride to pick up just ten boxes of floor tiles for a project, to rush myself in choosing the right tile design and color and to feel guilty that I have soiled and overloaded the only car my husband uses: a Honda CRV.

Missing my Fuego makes me resolve to work smarter so I can afford another versatile vehicle to ride on as I move forwards my new journey at 50.