I read that New Year’s resolutions should be inspiring, specific, doable, and time-bounded.  Moreover, these should set the direction of the days ahead, be congruent to our life goals, and spring us to act on areas in our lives which needs improvement.  To achieve our resolutions, these should be broken into baby steps taken a day/week/month at a time; regularly evaluated, and adjusted.  And, with visual reminders conspicuously written in our work stations, personal planners, or fridge doors, we can remain on track.

Curious about what people are pledging to do this 2009, I browsed the web and saw it replete with interesting accounts of New Year’s resolutions: for economic survival, for health and wellness, for writing efficiency, and for a happy family life (even with cheating husbands).

Here’s my own action list for 2009 as a mom and more.  My detailed timetable and strategies would be too personal to share here; I will just post entries about my progress (and even bottlenecks) in the days ahead.

Assert, accept, add
Lighten, launch, love
Imagine, improve, ignore
Clear, connect, coach
Examine, exercise, earn

Posting this would serve as a reminder of — a priority I need to work on, the only asset I can optimize to fulfill my mission in life during hard times, and the VIP I’ve long set aside to please everyone — myself.  This 2009, it’s about time that I recharge, rejuvenate, and repackage myself so that I will have something of value to continue offering, giving, and sharing with others.

P.S. This entry may seem stale with 1 January already weeks back but I’m glad I can post it just in time for the Chinese New Year. Kung Hei Fat Choy! (as if I’m Chinese)

A phone call, a text message, an email or even an old-fashioned Hallmark greeting card (conveying sincere feelings as below which we couldn’t really say directly) can help keep the glow of our friendships burning bright through the years without creating a big hole in our pockets,  purses, or bank accounts.

Do you know that the hand
You first offered me in friendship
Is still what steadies me
When I am shaken,
Still what inspires me when I have doubts?
Do you know how often
Your patience and advice
Help me find perspectives
I haven’t seen, confidence I’ve lost?
Do you know that I’ve shared with you secrets
No one else will ever know,
Laughed about so many silly things
That few could ever understand?
Do you know that I cannot imagine
My life without you in it,
Without your support to boost me,
And your strength to inspire me?
Of course you do –
You know all this,
Good friends just know.

I have been blessed with true, old and tested friends who continue to share their lives (and secrets) with me, believe in me, encourage me, and love me as I am.  Yes, we’ve talked for hours earlier this week before the phone lines get congested as Christmas approaches.  And it felt sooo good:  recollecting younger days, chuckling over funny times, and even shedding tears for unfulfilled dreams and expectations.  It felt so Christmas-y knowing that somewhere, some friend will always be there to lift me up, give me hope and boost my strength to carry on (in these cashless days).

Merry Christmas web friend!  You’ve kept me writing by reading on.

For me,  passing the LET marks the opening of a new door, a wider path, and hopefully, a more meaningful future as a mom to “more children” in my golden years.

To all successful examinees, especially my friends Ariel (Top 7 for secondary teachers), Esmie, Jane, Mel, Tintin, Wee, and Winnie –  Congratulations!  May we be able to contribute, in our own way, our share in making a life better, a future hopeful and a world brighter — because we care enough to teach and share in the best way we can.

If you want to check LET results, you may click on these links for:  elementary school teachers and secondary school teachers.

Related blog post: http://amomandmore.com/personal/my-random-thoughts-while-awaiting-the-results-of-the-september-2008-let-licensure-examination-for-teachers/

DCP was the first Corporate Planning Vice President I ever worked with as I began my career as power economist 29 years ago.  I can still remember how he used to recount amusing stories about how he and his other pioneering colleagues in the Philippine electric power industry toiled to erect some of the first electric woodpoles in Laguna in the 1940s — to bring light to a few homes and establishments in Luzon.  For an economics graduate like me, Working with DCP made learning the technicalities of power engineering, system planning and the power utility business — doable, interesting and fun.  DCP has been generous to his staff when it came to approving field work in the provinces where we had to see for ourselves how the power system and market operates and to mingle with the men behind the gigantic power structures — to effectively use the hard and lifeless data we receive at our desks in Manila for the power projections we need to develop for the corporation.

DCP treated his staffers just like his very own family members.  And this made working for him simple, light and fun.  I still remember the wonderful “asaltos” we celebrated at his home every year where executives, employees, colleagues, suppliers and family members gather the night before his birthday — to welcome another great year ahead for him.  Attending his asalto has become a tradition which no one dared to miss and regret later.

DCP was like a warm, affectionate and doting father to me.  I was so touched to see him and his wife on my wedding day despite his hectic schedule.  When he retired, my bond with DCP lived on through his daughter who became my co-parent at SHS and his grand daughter who remains Aleli’s friend to this day.  During those times when I saw him attend school affairs of Nika and Aleli, I never fail to tell him: Sir, ang kisig pa rin ninyo, walang kakupas-kupas at parang hindi kayo tumatanda.  Ano po ba sekreto ninyo? (Sir, you are still looking good, fresh and young.  What’s your secret?)  For a man who lived to be 88 today, I couldn’t believe his usual reply: alcohol, smoke, play and fun.  In his charming ways, he didn’t exactly tell me his answers to his longevity.  Instead he motioned with his hands and face: drinking, smoking, golfing and a naughty smile.

To my dear DCP, another Scorpion who left a positive sting in me (that I have developed my own kind of loving sting as well), I pray that the Lord may continue to shower your life with more happy tomorrows to look forward to.  You have most of the things anyone could wish for in life by now, so here’s to you — 88 birthday greetings from all over the world to welcome another blessed year ahead of you.

1. Afrikaans: Veels geluk met jou verjaarsdag!
2. Alsatian: Gueter geburtsdaa!
3. Arabic: Eid milaad saeed! or Kul sana wa inta/i tayeb/a! (masculine/feminie)
4. Armenian: Taredartzet shnorhavor! or Tsenund shnorhavor!
5. Brazil: Parabens a voce!
6. Breton: Deiz-ha-bloaz laouen deoc’h!
7. Bulgarian: Chestit Rojden Den!
x. Cambodian: Som owie nek mein aryouk yrinyu!
8. Catalan: Per molts anys!
9. Chinese-Cantonese: Sun Yat Fai Lok!
10. Chinese-Mandarin: Sheng ri kuai le!
11. Croatian: Sretan Rodjendan!
12. Czech: Vsechno nejlepsi!
13. Danish: Tillykke med fodselsdagen!
14. Dutch-Flemish: Gelukkige verjaardag! or Prettige verjaardag!
15. Dutch: Hartelijk gefeliciteerd! or Van harte gefeliciteerd met jeverjaardag!
16. English: Happy Birthday!
17. Esperanto: Felichan Naskightagon!
18. Estonian: Palju onne sunnipaevaks!
19. Euskera: Zorionak zure urtebetetze egunean!
20. Filipino-Kapangpangan: Mayap a Kabaitan!
21. Filipino-Tagalog: Maligayang Bati!
22. Filipino-Visaya: Maligayang Kaadlawan!
23. Finnish: Hyvaa syntymapaivaa!
24. French: Joyeux Anniversaire!
25. Frisian: Lokkiche jierdei!
26. Gaelic: Co` latha breith sona dhut!
27. German: Alles Gute zum Geburtstag!
28. German-Badisch: Allis Guedi zu dim Fescht!
29. German-Bavarian: Ois Guade zu Deim Geburdstog!
30. German-Bernese: Es Muentschi zum Geburri!
31. German-Saarlaendisch: Alles Gudde for dei Gebordsdaach!
32. Greek: Eftixismena Gennethlia! or Xronia polla!
33. Hawaiian: Hau`oli la hanau!
34. Hebrew: Yom Huledet Same’ach!
35. Hungarian: Boldog szuletesnapot!
36. Icelandic: Til hamingju med afmaelisdaginn!
37. Indian-Malayalam: Pirannal Aasamsakal!
38. Indian-Marathi: Wadhdiwasachya Shubhechhya!
39. Indian-Gujrati: Janam Divas Mubarak!
40. Indian-Hindi: Janam Din ki badhai!
41. Indian-Kannada: Huttu Habbada Shubhashayagalu!
42. Indian – Rajasthani: Janam ghaanth ri badhai, khoob jeeyo!
43. Indian-Tamil: Piranda naal vaazhthukkal!
44. Indonesian: Selamat Ulang Tahun!
45. Irish-gaelic: La-breithe mhaith agat! or Co` latha breith sonadhut!
46. Italian: Buon Compleanno!
47. Japanese: Otanjou-bi Omedetou Gozaimasu!
48. Javaans-Indonesia: Slamet Ulang Taunmoe!
49. Korean: Sang il nal chuk a hap ni da!
50. Klingon: Quchjaj qoSlIj!
51. Kyrgyz: Tulgan kunum menen!
52. Latin: Fortuno natalis!
53. Latvian: Daudz laimes dzimsanas diena!
54. Lithuanian: Sveikinu su gimtadieniu! or Geriausi linkejimai gimtadienio proga!
55. Luxembourg: Vill Gleck fir daei Geburtsdaag!
56. Macedonian: Sreken roden den!
57. Malaysian: Selamat Hari Jadi!
58. Maltese: Nifrahlek ghal gheluq snienek!
59. Maori: Kia huritau ki a koe!
60. Norwegian: Gratulerer med dagen!
61. Pakistan-Gujrati: Saal Mubarak!
62. Pakistan-Urdu: Saalgirah Mubarak!
63. Papiamento (lower Dutch Antilles): Masha Pabien I hopi aña mas!
64. Persian: Tavalodet Mobarak!
65. Polish: Wszystkiego Najlepszego!
66. Portuguese: Feliz Aniversario! or Parabens!
67. Portuguese-Brazil: Parabens pelo seu aniversario!
68. Romanian: La Multi Ani!
69. Russian: S dnem rozhdenia! or Pazdravliayu s dniom rozhdenia!
70. Samoan: Manuia lou aso fanau!
71. Serbian: Srecan Rodjendan!
72. Slovene: Vse najboljse za rojstni dan!
73. South Afican-Xhosa: Mini emnandi Kuwe!
74. Spanish: Feliz Cumpleanos!
75. Sri Lankan: Suba Upan dinayak vewa!
76. Sundanese: Wilujeng Tepang Taun!
77. Surinamese: Mi fresteri ju!
78. Swahili: Hongera!
79. Swedish: Grattis paa foedelsedagen!
80. Switzerland: Vill Glück zum Geburri!
xx. Syrian-Orthodox: Tahnyotho or brigo!
81. Telugu: Puttina Roju Shubakanksalu!
82. Thai: Suk San Wan Keut!
83. Tibetian: Droonkher Tashi Delek!
84. Turkish: Dogum gunun kutlu olsun!
85. Ukrainian: Mnohiya lita!
86. Vietnamese: Chuc Mung Sinh Nhat!
87. Welsh: Pen-blwydd Hapus i Chi!
88. Yiddish: A Freilichem Geborentog

Reader, any ingredient/s for a long and happy life  which you’d like to share with me?

Presently, online sites, blogs, and discussion boards related to the Philippine Professional Regulatory Commission (PRC) licensure exams are now bursting with a mix of comments from LET takers:  anxious, impatient, resigned or hopeful about forthcoming test results.  I look forward to the results also but not with as much apprehension and stress as younger examinees — because with or without a license, I want to be part of people’s lifelong learning experiences in my own capacity.  While everyone anticipates the LET results, I mull over these random thoughts.

1.  As a mom, when Aaron and Aleli were in prep, elementary and high school, was I ever concerned that their teachers were licensed?

No.  I remember I was more watchful of the way teachers understood my kids’ tantrums and moods; their show of concern when my kids were sick, forgot their lunch, or got low in their favorite subjects; their personal values/mannerisms/pronunciation and how these were copied by my kids.  I appreciated teachers who tapped my kids potentials and pushed them to perform better; who stood by them even if  they’ve not won an interschool art or science contest.  I’ve been touched by teacher who proxied for me as  loving guardians to my kids when I frequently left for office out-of-town trips.   I was mindful of teachers who were unreasonably stern, rigid and harsh; those who taught with mediocrity; and those who passed on their responsibilities to parents in the guise of school-home partnership strategies of learning.

2.   Is passing the LET a sufficient measure of a beginning or novice teacher’s teaching competencies?

No.  Personally, I think the LET merely establishes a floor — reflecting a broad range of basic knowledge, skills, abilities and dispositions –  which may help ensure that new teachers can perform responsibly with the minimal competence desirable for fresh entrants in the classrooms.   For me it should not be taken as a single measure of an education graduate’s potential for effective teaching in school.  For national standardization and hiring though, in the absence of any valid basis of competency, the LET would do for entrants.  But, it should be taken with the consideration that teaching competencies improve over time through continued practice, skills upgradeing, faculty feedback, mastery and professional development.   New teachers, just like other career newbies, are works in progress with much room to grow and improve over time.

On another angle, for oldies like me with decades of hands-on teaching experience from the work place, home and community, the LET imposes an unnecessary restraint to be of immediate help in remedying the shortage for teachers proficient in specific fields. If I were not challenged enough to have (some sort of) a passport to teaching, I would have foregone the LET since I felt it’s not practical for me to memorize general knowledge (supposedly stocked) which have changed since the time I learned them several decades back.  Though it was difficult to retain knowledge items in my short-term memory solely for LET use, I conditoned myself so I could be part of the teachers’ fold.

3.   Is it an assurance of quality teachers for the Philippine educational system?

The LET will definitely not assure the country of a pool of quality teachers.  The task of teaching is multi-faceted, complicated, and demanding and requires teachers to have a wide array of knowledge, abilities, skills and attitudes.  Teachers have to teach students new knowledge and use this knowledge together with learned skills meaningfully. Teachers have to motivate and be sensitive to needs of students with varied personalities, cultures and learning needs.  They have to plan lessons, prepare instructional aids and manage the classroom and overall learning environment.  Considering all these functions of a teacher, a paper and pencil test as the LET will never be a sufficient gauge or single measure for ensuring quality teaching.

4.   What valuable lessons did I learn from the LET?

a.   Commitment to accomplish something requires finding and making time even when there seems to be none. I scheduled at least an hour of review a day on weekdays a month before the LET; however, I met intervening activities (on top of my regular home work load) which couldn’t be deferred.  There were family concerns which had to be prioritized, new tutees who urgently needed help with their school work, and family reunions where attendance was a must for all.  I managed with quality sleep of 3-4 hours a day and loaded myself with Stresstabs, vitamin C, and food on demand.  It worked for me.

b.   I can’t do it all, I demanded for a little help. For a week, I took a leave from being a mom and wife and from home chores.  My husband and kids had no choice but  to contend with dirty floors, dried up plants, piles of dishes on the sink, and food to go (unless husband gets inspired to cook).  This gave me a liberating feeling that I am worthy of time and some leeway to accomplish what I want, of putting myself first.  For almost all times in the past, I strived to meet everyone else’s needs, demands, expectations and requests without thinking of my own (as a typical firstborn and person pleaser would).

c.   Focus is powerful in getting things done, meeting targets and even budgets. Since I tend to have multiple goals at a given time, I consciously decided to concentrate on reading only LET review materials for the review hour I planned.  For several days, this was so difficult for me since I stashed up on self-improvement books I got on bargain and just couldn’t resist opening and finishing a chapter or two of any book I lay my hands on.  After nights of dealing with my book tempters, I would be seen propped up in bed and holding my reviewer but in deep slumber.  To focus on LET review (with barely two weeks left), I fixed up a study room at my sister’s space and committed time to do nothing else but review.

d.   Cooperative learning works. Group review and practice with my resourceful and unselfish classmates (Ariel, Jane, Tintin, Wee and Winnie) made reviewing fun and learning new stuff lighter and easier.  With them, my knowledge gaps were filled, some hazy mock test items were reasonably answered, and my “just-to-pass” attitude progressed into getting higher than 75.

e.   Being alone opens up realities which we often fail to see and accept; it allows us to experience our genuine selves as we rarely do. At the LET venue, I was all alone but I didn’t feel sad.  I did not see any familiar face in the test venue, not even the shadow of some acquaintance.  I was the oldest examinee in the room (most have been through college only over the past 3-5 years).   I was the only one who wore a skirt (to shorten lost time in taking restroom trips), long sleeves  and closed shoes – since I interpreted the LET dress code to mean dressing “as a teacher” should.  I was the only one in the room who brought a big bag of snacks and drinks (as if going on a picnic with the family).   Being alone made me empathize with the stress of a third time LET examinee, feel like the mother who accompanied her daughter to her test room (and even brought meals for her during the break), and appreciate loved ones who took time to text messages of encouragement the whole day — to think beyond myself.

f.   Not all “practice makes perfect”. Reading and hearing about the corruptibility of licensure tests, I relaxed myself and worked only for a grade a little higher than 75 (a first in my life since I’ve always had a perfectionist’s tendency). This proved to be a good position to take; otherwise, I would have been so frustrated and stressed with the type of test items which came out during the LET.  (I couldn’t list the flaws  I noticed because of a confidentiality  agreement which LET takers were made to sign.) Practicing for the LET using past years’ items and commercial reviewers may not ensure a perfect score; however, it familiarizes the examinee not only with sample test items and answers but also with some human errors one would surely stumble upon in the actual test.  The erroneous answer keys, some typo errors (which made test items senseless) and items with no plausible answers cited in some LET reviewers served as simulations of the real LET.  With mock up tests,  I had an authentic learning experience in test taking which allowed me to use my time efficiently.

g.   God will lead the way. While writing this blog, I am not yet sure if I will pass the LET or not.  What I am sure of is that since I’ve done my best to review for the licensure and prayed hard enough for God’s guidance (with the help of the sisters of Sta. Clara), the LET would be an answer to my prayer for a direction to take.  Passing the LET would mean taking a new path towards the education field; else, it’s time for me to redirect my future towards other paths which continue to remain open for me to pursue.

But, I spent the day meaningfully taking first steps to liberate myself from: home clutter, inertia to write, and life traps.

1.    I’ve began to de-clutter and clean-up.  Since it would surely take me months to sort, decide to throw or retain, and organize important stuff I’ve accumulated for the past five decades – for time management, I set aside just half of the day for a start.  I targeted three boxes (blocking the door of our stock room) which contained photocopied references, handouts, loose notes, and term papers from education courses I took the past year.  I sorted through reams of paper, rushing myself to decide which to: toss in the trash, give-away to a friend, bind for future use or temporarily keep out of sight (in a “may use” box).  With a day helper’s assistance in punching holes and binding related papers together, I was content to have six binders of neatly organized materials from my six education courses by lunch time.

2.    I’ve managed to write this blog after some time of slack, anxiety, too much ideas, and pending workloads – causing a writer’s block.  I have drafted several blogs which I never posted at all because of my notion that I should write error-free, grammatically acceptable and information-laden blogs which are just 300- to 500-words long, as most blog writers recommend.  This is a reflection of my self-conscious and perfectionist nature which oftentimes make writing burdensome than enjoyable for me.

3.    I’ve started my own life trap therapy. This matches my goal of sustained self-discovery and self-improvement even at 50. I have been reading the book “Reinventing Your Life: How to Break Free From Negative Life Patterns” by Jeffrey E. Young and Janet S. Klosko since the past weekend.  Using Young’s questionnaire, I realized that I have  life traps (a negatively controlling set of beliefs), a self-destructive pattern or schema which I repeatedly confront and which robs me of the happiness and fulfillment I could have had in my relationships, work and life in general.

These two leading American psychologists described (and suggested solutions) to eleven life traps. I recognized two major life traps operating in me, both dealing with self-expression or the ability to express what one wants and get one’s true needs met.  The first is called the subjugation life trap wherein one sacrifices one’s own needs and desires to please others and to satisfy others’ needs such that one’s needs are never met.   My other life trap is called the unrelenting standards life trap which is typical of people who set rigid standards and have very high expectations of themselves at the expense of happiness, health and even relationships.

So far, I’ve also read that life traps originate in childhood and reverberates through our lives.  And because of this, parents have to be extra careful about the kind of parenting style they use on their children since these determine how children later on think, feel, act and relate to others. My life taps were probably linked to my being a first-born child who experienced being overprotected, one who had to obey and conform to my parents’ rules as a role model for my siblings (including making it to the top in school), one who had to always give-in as the eldest child and who had to please others always, one who had to help and be around when problem situations arise.

I am glad that life traps can be addressed successfully if we desire to.  And, I have just taken my first step towards liberation from my life traps – identifying and recognizing these traps.  With the baby steps I took today, just as our country proclaimed its first independence from colonial bondage on 12 June, 110 years ago – I am certain that I am now on the road to freedom from home clutter, writer’s block and life traps.

Lord, thank you -

For your gift of life and love for the past 50 years;

For my beautiful and loving family who made my happy moments brighter, more meaningful, and more colorful and my tough times lighter, more bearable and hopeful;

For real friends you’ve strewn along my way who’ve been by my side come what may;

For the rewarding career I had with the government and the chance to do business on my own;

For enabling me to see the magnificence of your creation in our country and abroad;

For blessing me with good health, an unwavering faith and the strength to carry on – knowing that the best is yet to come in Your time.

Lord, forgive me for my failings and foibles and
Continue to give me the inspiration to move on, learn from my blunders and falls, re-purpose myself and start over.

(As I turn 50 and see life’s sunset and sunrise in a single frame)

Lord, help me -

Age positively, gracefully and meaningfully; and

Accept that the wrinkles, sags, white hairs and achy joints are not defects but reminders that I have struggled, survived, learned, grown and persisted in life through this day.

Help me surrender some plans and dreams which are not aligned to Your will;

Help me be more creative as I use my experience and talents in touching others lives, courageous as I face new challenges and compassionate as I try to understand others beyond their spoken words.

Let me live for meaning, for a higher purpose beyond money, status and others’ applause as I thrive through life’s surprises and adversities with the softness and strength which only You can give me in my journey towards being the Alice you meant me to be. Amen.

I hope that the Lord grants me my prayer requests and that this first blog entry for 2008 paves my way in writing more meaningful mom blogs to share with you soon.

May you and your loved ones be blessed with faith that makes all things possible, hope that makes all things work, and love which makes all things beautiful — today and through the coming days of 2008!

]]> http://www.amomandmore.com/personal/turning-50-%e2%80%93-my-prayer/feed/ 21 http://www.amomandmore.com/personal/up-oblation-run-2007-%e2%80%93-from-the-eyes-of-a-mom/ http://www.amomandmore.com/personal/up-oblation-run-2007-%e2%80%93-from-the-eyes-of-a-mom/#comments Fri, 14 Dec 2007 03:04:33 +0000 A Mom and More Educationfeel youngUP Oblation http://amomandmore.com/personal/up-oblation-run-2007-%e2%80%93-from-the-eyes-of-a-mom/ Like a virgin, I waited patiently across the UP (University of the Philippines) Palma Hall, in the heat of the noontime sun, with open eyes and mind, my stomach grumbling after missing breakfast – definitely NOT to see naked men parade in front of me (I’ve seen enough) but to experience the 2007 UP Oblation Run to spice up my lessons on the Philippine Educational System (and have authentic inputs in class when we meet next week). I also had other reasons: at 50 (no longer the demure economics student I was in the mid 70s when the Oblation Run began), I wanted to make sure I experienced a complete student life. As mom, I wanted to be with my daughter and seize the occasion to bond with her (but she decided to stay in her class. I was curious to know the issues which UP students find relevant and worthy of their oblation – to see if they can serve as the hope of our nation.

In the midst of UP students (though I pass as one of them because of my petite frame), I felt OP (out of place) waiting for the naked Alpha Phi Omega men’s final bow at the Palma steps since most students apparently just came to see the spectacle as if waiting for: a movie star or a band singer to perform live or for a stripper to titillate one’s sexual desires or for some biology specimen to view, size-up and draw conclusions from. I was waiting to find meaning in this annual UP tradition for the past 30 years.

It was around quarter past twelve when nude, masked men came out of Palma Hall with balloons, flowers and streamers that called for the ouster of President Arroyo, justice for UP students Karen and She and the grant of tuition subsidies for UP students. I wonder why the students covered their heads and wore masks. As these men raised their streamers of dissent, I was expecting to hear shouts of student protests and criticisms and calls for action as I have experience during my student days in some mass rallies. But, I only heard whistles, then “boos” and then hollers (for not seeing much, for the very brief skin exposure time). I do not find photos worth sharing here a lot can be viewed at YouTube if you wish.

I was frustrated at what I saw, heard and experienced such that soon after, I felt thirsty, hungry, exhausted and sunburned. The more I felt OP. I felt old as well, realizing that I do not belong to this generation anymore.

Just like thousands of UP Alumni, I still value the Oblation as the main symbol of what the University of the Philippines stands for, fights for and delivers to the nation; the chosen rallying point for protests and social action; the enduring model of academic freedom, an inspiration for service and nationalism; my lifetime link to UP.

However, the 2007 Oblation Run I witnessed was just a show of bold and daring, nude men with flowers, balloons and streamers – not far from commercial TV identification plugs or intermissions to a long play. I did not see their bravery in standing up for their causes; they were speed walking, almost running, ashamed of their nakedness.

Perhaps, (I hope) the UP students I expected to see In the oblation run were just busy attending their classes, researching in the library, hearing mass or simply taking lunch. Perhaps, I have just been too engrossed with my class reading on Philippine education during the revolutionary times that I have been searching as Rizal when he said:

Where are the youth who will consecrate their golden hours, their illusions and their enthusiasm to the welfare of their native land? … who will generously pour out their blood to wash away so much shame, so much crime, so much abomination? … Pure and spotless … who will embody in yourselves the vigor of life that has left our veins, the purity of ideas that has contaminated in our brains, the fire of enthusiasm that has been quenched in our hearts? …

Perhaps, I am just a mom who expects so much. How about you, do you still see the relevance of this tradition as it was meant to be during its inception years back? Isn’t it time to rethink and plan for a more meaningful oblation befitting of the times?

]]> http://www.amomandmore.com/personal/up-oblation-run-2007-%e2%80%93-from-the-eyes-of-a-mom/feed/ 15 http://www.amomandmore.com/personal/turning-50-in-one-red-land-differently-part-4-gifts/ http://www.amomandmore.com/personal/turning-50-in-one-red-land-differently-part-4-gifts/#comments Fri, 09 Nov 2007 15:59:15 +0000 A Mom and More beginning lifebirthday greetingsfamilyfamily gatheringsmidlifeturning 50 http://amomandmore.com/personal/turning-50-in-one-red-land-differently-part-4-gifts/ My 50 symbolic and real gifts

It made me feel young once more as a child by the Christmas tree: awed by the size of the gift box and eager to know what could be inside it for me. When I opened the box, I was amazed that it contained not just one but 50 individual gifts – each one significant because each brought with it either a golden message of care and concern, affirmation, food for thought, laughter or extra joy to last beyond my birthday. Most gifts were useful but ordinary items – made extraordinary on my 50^th because each red gift has been sought and thought of painstakingly by my siblings and the kids for this special day. Here are the red, red gifts I got and the messages tagged on them, which everyone present took turns to hand over to me with a kiss.

1. Hugo perfume – for everlasting aroma
2. hat – “panlaban sa lamig” (to relieve the cold)
3. bag – You complete me
4. sunglasses – to keep you cool in the sun!
5. hanky – to wipe away tears and “kulangot”
6. scarf – accessorize more
7. jewelry – for more sparkle to your beauty
8. wallet – to keep safe all your life’s wealth
9. umbrella – to keep you cool and flawless
10. shirt – forever looking 16!
11. belt – to tighten your bond with family and friends
12. panty – for the truly beautiful inside and outside
13. pedometer – to help you lose fat and keep you young all the way
14. socks – to cover your tired-out travel-lust feet
15. comb – to further enhance your natural beauty
16. keychain – to keep things within easy reach
17. ball – to remind you that it’s fun being forever young
18. alarm clock – to help you wake up to a new happy day
19. pillbox – for Alice’s “sakits” (illnesses)
20. towel – to freshen you up after the day’s work
21. stapler – to keep things always in place
22. paper clips – to hold on to your upbringings
23. tape measure – to measure your “panindas” (merchandise) and waistline
24. tape – to keep all your things tight and bonded
25. bag tag – to let everyone know who you are
26. magnet – for your magnetic personality
27. ballpen – to bring luck to your ambitious to-do lists
28. paint and crayons –to color our lives and your world with vibrance, as you like it
29. notebook – to scribble your utmost reflections with
30. folder – to compile your thoughts with, enclosing what matters most
31. thumbtacks – to tack things in place
32. paper – to write your precious ideas and memories on
33. clip file – to take your work with you everywhere
34. pillow – for sweet dreams
35. photo frame – to display memories you cherish the most
36. ribbon – for stylish decorations
37. flashlight and candle – to lighten up those dark, gloomy days
38. thread – to help you weave wonderful thoughts with
39. toothpaste and toothbrush – for that pretty Close-up smile
40. padlock – to keep safe
41. soap – to remind you of maintaining a clean heart and mind
42. lip balm – for more kissable lips
43. nail polish – for your fiery red professional nails
44. mirror – to show the world who you really are
45. eyemask – for more beauty
46. red glass – half empty, half full; plate – “para sa mahilig kumain” (for the food lover); spoon and fork – “dahil hindi ka marunong magkamay” (since you don’t know how to eat without utensils)
47. mug – to keep your teas and talks warm and cozy
48. hanger – to keep your special clothes special slippers – for that nice, comfy feeling
49. slippers – for that nice, comfy feeling
50. trash bin – to keep your surroundings neat and clean

When gift giving was over, I saw a tag which said: “rosary – to hold on to the faith that will save you”. I didn’t find any rosary attached to the tag. My youngest sister Arlene even helped look for it. I believed it (the rosary) was meant to be lost, to be invisible, and to be apart from all the physical gifts I got. And, this reminded me to be truly grateful for the real blessings and blessings in disguises I have received over the past 50 years: love, hope and joy; time, care and concern of family and friends; and failures turned into life lessons and stepping stones – the essentials which are invisible to the eye.

To my loving family: Ariel, Aaron and Aleli, my mom Adorita; my siblings Annie, Arlene and Arthur and their spouses Gigi, Abe and Maripol; my niece Kashka and nephews Lean, Nigo, Luigi and Driggs ; and to true friends and their families who remembered: Fr. Emy, Jun, Edna, Erwin, Romy, Lily, Agie and classmates at UP – my heartfelt thanks for the love, the prayers, encouragement and trust that I would continue glowing beyond 50. I love you all!

For most of our parties, I handled reception and guests, games and party activities (since my family and I have long realized that I have not been blessed with culinary talents). Tonight, I am relieved as Arthur (my youngest brother) substitutes for me as the party clown-mascot. Tonight, I celebrated a passage to the next half century by “retrogressing” — enjoying playtime as I rarely did in childhood (since I spent time studying to get good grades and be a model eldest sister to my siblings). It was a chance to get physical, rough and spontaneous; to have fun, and to laugh out loud. Why not? Even my 75-year old mom joined the games.

]]> http://www.amomandmore.com/personal/turning-50-in-one-red-land-differently-part-3-games/feed/ 0 http://www.amomandmore.com/uncategorized/turning-50-in-one-red-land-differently-part-1/ http://www.amomandmore.com/uncategorized/turning-50-in-one-red-land-differently-part-1/#comments Fri, 09 Nov 2007 15:09:40 +0000 A Mom and More beginning lifebirthday greetingsfamilyfamily gatheringsmidlifeturning 50 http://amomandmore.com/uncategorized/turning-50-in-one-red-land-differently-part-1/ Today, 9 November 2007, I turned 50.

Unlike my past milestone birthdays at 18, 30, and 40 when I wished for, planned minute details and held big parties attended by relatives from different sides and friends from school, work and business – months back, I told my siblings that I will just have a quiet, budget-friendly, and simple 50^th birthday celebration, exclusively for our closest family members, in keeping with tough times. I am glad about this decision for several reasons:

1. I had less stress in choosing a party theme and planning for details about the venue, decors, physical arrangements; menu and food preparation; invitations, (who to assign as) photographer, give-aways and activities;
2. I had no pressure in making a guest list and ensuring that I did not leave anyone out while considering how each guest could have a jovial evening in the company of a diverse gathering of people;
3. I felt at peace with myself after hearing mass alone and attending my first day of classes in school without any worry about how I would look in my birthday dress; what accessories to wear and how I could conceal with make-up the haggard look on my face (as I check on party minutiae for a perfect birthday and miss out on much needed rest and sleep);
4. My meager cash remained untouched at the end of the day – I even got my age matched with cash gifts and tokens;
5. My family had fun, memorable and meaningful bonding moments focused on me (without feeling obliged to entertain guests as they did during my past birthdays).

A mom in wonderland, a mom in one red land

My two kids (Aon and Aei), my siblings (Annie, Arlene and Arthur), my mom and the rest of the family pooled their time, effort, resources and (yes) acting talents to produce a truly once-in-a-lifetime 50^th birthday celebration for me. My mom told me not to prepare anything since my siblings agreed to treat me to dinner in a Korean restaurant in Makati when all family members shall have arrived from school and work. I wondered why Korean (since I prefer Chinese and Japanese) and why that restaurant (it was in Makati and was a hassle to reach on a Friday because of the traffic along the way).

I also wondered why Ariel (my husband) stalled our trip to Makati till after 7 p.m. although he was back home from work unusually early. He told me that my mom, my siblings and their children would meet at my sister Annie’s home and carpool to Makati to save gas. Upon reaching Annie’s home, my hunch (about a secret party) was reinforced when my brother-in-law opened their home’s gate for Ariel to bring in the car; this is the first time Ariel brought the car inside since it was easier for him to park by the roadside.

I noticed Annie’s home and garden dark and seemingly uninhabited as a meeting place; it is usually well-lit and welcoming for our family events. As I stepped out of the car and walked towards her house, I heard the piano play “Happy Birthday” as my family members one by one left their hiding places to welcome and greet me while my daughter Aleli and my niece Kashka showered me with rose petals.

When the lights went on, I looked around and saw everyone in red (my favorite color), all tables and corners filled with red rose arrangements and a big banner (done by Aaron) flashing the words: Alice @ 50 – still growing, still glowing.

These photos capture the love, the warmth and the passion of my 50^th birthday in my one red (wonder) land.

Inspired by the familial love I felt all around me and in thanksgiving for God’s gift of a half-century of life on earth, I prayed before our usual graces:

Lord, thank you -

For your gift of life and love for the past 50 years;

For my beautiful and loving family who made my happy moments brighter, more meaningful, and more colorful and my tough times lighter, more bearable and hopeful;

For real friends you’ve strewn along my way who’ve been by my side come what may;

For the rewarding career I had with the government and the chance to do business on my own;

For enabling me to see the magnificence of your creation in our country and abroad;

For blessing me with good health, an unwavering faith and the strength to carry on – knowing that the best is yet to come in Your time.

Lord, forgive me for my failings and foibles and

Continue to give me the inspiration to move on, learn from my blunders and falls, re-purpose myself and start over.

As I turn 50 and see life’s sunset and sunrise in a single frame,

Lord, help me -

Age positively, gracefully and meaningfully; and

Accept that the wrinkles, sags, white hairs and achy joints are not defects but reminders that I have struggled, survived, learned, grown and persisted in life through this day.

Help me surrender some plans and dreams which are not aligned to Your will;

Help me be more creative as I use my experience and talents in touching others lives, courageous as I face new challenges and compassionate as I try to understand others beyond their spoken words.

Let me live for meaning, for a higher purpose beyond money, status and others’ applause as I thrive through life’s surprises and adversities with the softness and strength which only You can give me in my journey towards being the Alice you meant me to be, Amen.

Oftentimes, when a close relative or friend passes away unexpectedly, we feel sad and regret not having expressed our feelings for them by saying “I love you”, “I am sorry” or “Thank you”; for not having spent more time with them; forgetting to call, visit or send greetings on special occasions; refusing to help even with their simple requests; and not giving them flowers while they could still appreciate and smell them. Time is too short and we never really know when death would come to us or to our loved ones. Rather than feel sorry, it would be a good habit to practice loving and caring enough for our family and friends NOW, not tomorrow or on a forthcoming occasion or when we have more time because it may never happen: we may not make it on time.

The following poem “One Little Rose” from an anonymous writer serves as a reminder about giving love and the best we can to our loved ones, now.

I would rather have one little rose
From the garden of a friend,
Than to have the choicest flowers
When my stay on earth must end.

I would rather have one pleasant word
In kindness said to me,
Than flattery when the heart is still
And life has ceased to be.

I would rather have a loving smile
From friends I know are true,
Than tears shed round my casket
When this world I’ve bid adieu.

Bring me all your flowers today
Whether pink, or white, or red;
I’d rather have one blossom now
Than a truckload when I’m dead!

When my father-in-law died, I felt that his relatives and friends liked and loved him since many sent big, beautiful and expensive floral stands to the funeral home. I am very sure that he never received flowers in his lifetime which he would have appreciated more and I am guilty I never thought of giving him any then.

Of what use to the dead would flowers be when he/she can no longer see their beauty and smell their sweetness? I would rather receive flowers, praises and love while I am alive.

All Saints’ Day has been one of the occasions when my mom expects all of us to be together to remember the dead in the family: my dad Alfredo, baby Gabriel Lorenzo “Galo” (my nephew), my grandparents from both maternal and paternal sides, my dad’s siblings, Auntie Iniang and my father-in-law Reding. On All Saints Day, we pay homage to ordinary people (like us) who have had flaws and foibles, were imperfect and sinful but transformed with God’s grace and now share with Him eternal life in the heavenly court.

When we celebrate All Saints’ Day, we either hope and assume that our dead loved ones have already reached their destination (heaven) or that they are almost there through our prayers for them (if we are Catholics and believe purgatory exists and the dead merits from our prayers). I don’t think anyone would ever think of having a family member or friend damned forever in the fires of hell and so we celebrate. We pray for our dead with the hope that when they get to heaven, we can call on them to intercede for us when we pray to the God for our requests.

Meet the four special people whom we remember as a family on All Saints’ Day: Dad, Auntie Iniang, Galo and my father-in-law Reding and read my mom’s monologue with them when we visited their memorial niches.

My dad enjoyed a materialisic life (and was a patron of ABS “alak, babae, sugal”) as a successful contractor during his time, until he had a stroke, mellowed down, reconciled with the Lord and his family and peacefully passed away after my mom’s birthday in 1990. He could be in heaven now after mom’s and our countless petitions and prayers for the repose of his soul.

• “Fred, I am here with our children and grandchildren (and mom enumerated all our names). I hope you are already at peace and happy in heaven. Watch and guide us always and protect us from the evils of the world. Help our children and their spouses (and mom enumerated all our names again) in their jobs and businesses. Enable them to ink big projects and business deals and lead them away from troubles and adversities. Take care of our grandchildren (and mom enumerated all her grandkids’ names), keep them healthy and assist them in their schoolwork. May we always have a loving and happy family.” Seeing my thin youngest nephew, mom continues: Make Driggs stouter please. And mom caps her monologue with humor “also, lead me to the lucky slot machine so that I will win the jackpot soon. Thank you. Thank you.”

Auntie Iniang is surely in heaven. I dreamt of her wearing white, smiling down at us and looking much stouter than the last time we took her photo before she died. She dedicated her whole life serving our entire family from the time she (Auntie) was barely a teener as mom’s nanny then as chaperone, helper and cook when mom had to study in Manila and stay in a dorm then as mom’s grand assistant when she married and became a stay-at-home mom. She was our constant companion since she never left the house (except to watch movies once in a blue moon), our guardian and sometimes, surrogate mother. I am lucky to have been her favorite child since I was the easiest to handle and please. She secretly told me that if I get married, she wished I would bring her with me to my new home. She never dated nor thought about marrying since she said she was already very happy to have me and my siblings to love as her own children. She said she will only leave us when she dies; hence, even when she was already diagnosed with angina and an enlarged heart and ordered to refrain from household chores and we had to ask her to go to her province to take a vacation — she cut her vacation short, returned to our home and insisted in cooking our meals, handwashing our clothes and cleaning the house till she succumbed to a massive heart attack on the dawn of 24 November 1984.

• “Manang Iniang, we all came here last night (mom enumerated our names) but the cemetery gates were already closed. How are you? I hope you are well and happy in heaven. I am very thankful for the love and patience which you showered all of us when you were living. I wish you would have lived longer to see my children, whom you loved as your own — graduate from college, find jobs, start their businesses, have beautiful families and succeed. You have been with us in the past when times were tough and now that we can enjoy the good life, I feel sorry that you are gone and can no longer enjoy the convenience and pleasures that you more than deserve for all you unending sacrifices. Now, we can only tell you our heartfelt thanks and remember you in our prayers. I am sure you are happy seeing my children grow up as they are now. This would not have been possible without you by my side.” My mom proceeds with the same requests as she asked dad except for the casino portion. “Please extend my regards to Compadre Reding, the in-law of Alice, when you see him since I cannot visit him anymore. He is a very good man when he was alive. Tell mamang and papang (my grandparents) that I will visit them at the cemetery tomorrow. Good bye. We will go now.”

Gabriel Lorenzo is our guardian angel — the second son of my younger sister. He had multiple congenital deformities at birth that the Lord took him a few minutes after his birth to save my sister and our family from the lifelong pains of seeing him suffer if he lived.

• “Galo, I am sure Manang Iniang, your lolo Fred and all lolos and lolas are taking care you very well. You should be a tall boy now, after 17 years. Watch over all of us always please.”

Papa Reding, my in-law, lived to be everybody’s assistant, caregiver, and support. He never showed signs that he would leave us soon. With severe headache and vomiting last 19 November 2006, he was admitted for hypertension, suffered an aneurysm, went on coma, had a series of brain operations, went home after a month in the hospital’s ICU and died a few days before his 82nd birthday in January 2007. I never thought that his birthday call on my 49th birthday in November 2006 would be the last time I would hear his always pleasant voice.

Would you believe that my mom has been talking to our departed in this canned monologue for the past two decades?

Our dead must have heard her. Our family has been blessed with good health, rewarding jobs and projects, a tight but comfortable bonding and challenges which continue to keep us alive. And as an extra, mom frequently wins from the slot machines during her joy trips to her entertainment galleries.

For me and my daughter Aei, going to second hand shops has an extra benefit — it is a good bonding time for us since we are both thrifty (or rather, we have a small disposable income nowadays), prefer unique, one-of-a-kind clothes; not brand-conscious (unlike the men in my family); patient enough to rummage through an array of (sometimes) dusty and smelly clothes; and care less for wearing hand-me-downs from whoever.

In the 1970s (my high school years) I never experienced buying and using clothes from second hand stores like Eloy’s. My mom frowned upon using segunda mano and relief goods from the USA since she was afraid that the clothes might come from a sick or dead person and negative energy or bad luck may be passed on to us. Thus, to be able to wear stylish clothes on a shoestring budget, mom encouraged us to recycle and sew our own clothes out of her retazos (scrap cloth) or else, rip off gently worn, outmoded dresses and recycle them into new ones.

It was in 1989 that I experienced buying and using second hand items. Then, I bought and used winter jackets, kitchen utensils, lamps and furniture from second-hand stores as a government scholar to USA — to budget the limited stipend I got for school and living expenses. During this brief stay in the USA, I frequented Goodwill stores, flea markets and yard/garage sales where I bought very cheap antique home decors which still adorn our home through this time. Shopping in these bargain stores served as my pastime and antidote to homesickness (for the two toddlers I left in Manila). This experience also paved the way for my interest in ebay trading, initially to rid of my idle stuff and overstocked purchases.

For over a decade hence (since I was earning enough), I skipped going to thrift shops and just bought from the malls during sale season. However, 3 years ago, Aei re-introduced me to local second-hand shops called ukay-ukay (UK) or wagwagan meaning dig and shake, respectively. She developed a fondness for these UK shops, her supplier of almost new leather boots, rare bags, unique clothes and branded castoffs at 1/10 their cost in the malls. My son followed suit as he found a favorite Japan anime store from which he got original pre-owned plushies, mini resin collectibles, unique trading cards and posters.

Over the years, shopping for second-hand clothes has developed into an art trip for Aei and me. We have learned to scrutinize details on the items for sale, to take our time in spotting a treasure out of some junk, and to squeeze our creativity in reconstructing used clothes to suit our fancy.

Today, our unscheduled visit to a UK shop has proven to be an essential part of Aei’s therapy for her toe callus surgery – a diversion which helped her re-focus her mind away from the pain on her toe which to date still has an open hole the size of a Philippines peso coin. Believe me, her toe didn’t ache as we shopped for almost two hours while she writhed in pain with just a slight toe bump when we are at home.

From today’s ukay-ukay shopping, after haggling with the store owner, Aei and I happily went home with two plastic bags containing six skirts, seven tops and a new sweater all for 680 pesos – that’s less than the cost of a single F & H shirt for my son.

Do you also like to shop and save on seconds? Or, would you like to give it a try soon?

I’ll let you sneak at my new wardrobe from UK next post. Shhhh …